to those that really know me....

....do you think i am uncensored?

does this make me different than most people because they are too chicken shit to be this way?

i asked B why people think i am different...he said it was because i do not censor myself....that most people are afraid to just be themselves....i asked because sometimes i cannot see why people like me sometimes....i can not be the nicest person in the world you know!

i do know that i lived a life from the very beginning of having to censor myself, to have to be quiet....to not speak up because to do so meant bad things would end up happening so instead i quietly went on....

i think sometimes it was my father that gave me the courage to open up to be more me like!

he always said i could do whatever i wanted and that sometimes i did things the hardest way possible because this would ensure that i wouldn't screw it up the next time around.

sometimes i wonder if that's why my dad had his heart attack when he did. when i was young and impressionable. when i had enough money to leave NY and never look back....to go out and be and learn and live and love and cry and feel the real pains of what real life was all about.

i still am unsure of myself in so many ways...especially at swiss grocery stores!

i know that i will grow all the time if i allow myself to be open to learning.
(how to use elevators at swiss grocery stores)

maybe this is why i like meeting new people or talking to my old friends from days so long past....

facebook has grounded me in some senses because the only grounding experience i had in life was a few years at one school and living with my father.

so seeing and re-connecting with some high school people that may or may not have been my good buddies is somehow comforting to me.

moving here seems like some kind of odd natural progression of who i am....i think that i will one day return to the US but i make no claims to know the future because i sure as hell didn't know i would be living here.....

so we are where we are and we do what we do.

i just hope that everyone is happy with the choices they have made and to keep on keeping on the best we know how.