so i got lost after paul dropped me off. i was more or less disoriented but quickly realized my directional mistake.
seeing henry was really interesting! it was just so good to see his face. he was sick all week. poor kid.
so it was his bday and it was a mellow day for him. he showed me his neat boat and i said 'some people live in boats' and he said 'there are more people that do not live in boats.'
catherine. oh my god. she's a ham and a half.
she's like 8 hams!
sarah said 'what's your name' her answer. 'two'
awesome....
there really are not many words i can say that describe how i feel about being home, feeling so welcome....feeling more me and more open. the reason i want to wait until december is because i want to try to find a place of my own to live. i want to keep living alone.
PLEASE NOTE:
i will be changing the blog. the place will of course probably be here but the name/url will change. probably in the coming week.
i missed the german as i was walking. hearing all english. i have not stopped hearing one siren or the other where i am staying.....copters....noise. it's lovely and i think it will be hard for me to sleep! maybe not today as i have been up for i guess almost 24 hours...
bed, wedding....work on monday. i'll just say that monday is going to be a pretty mellow day....maybe the air and space....or the hirshorn or the newseum or or or or so many choices.
i feel good. i feel happy with this choice and perhaps even still all the choices that have brought me to this place i am right now. it's all we have, isn't it?
new blog coming soon probably to the tune of meeshypants and a blog that will still have me rambling but i think i have different ideas..
dunno. we'll see how it goes eh?
thanks again for tuning in while i was in the schweiz.
11 October 2009
09 October 2009
polarizing news
the day before i come home. obama....the nobel peace prize?
interesting for sure.
i miss being in DC. i miss random protests...i miss the kids. i miss.....free museums.
monday is a holiday so i will have both kids and can get to know cat again and i think henry remembers me. cat will too but it might take a bit..
i am having some beers with my friends, going to make garlicky alfredo sauce with peppers for dinner.....i feel good. i got chocolates....lots of kinder eggs and i think at the airport if my bags don't cost a ton then i will get some more chocolate. seems like the right thing to do as i didn't really get much. i am worried about the bag thing
so i have opted to carry on my keyboard/flutes and my side bag and checking the three bags. two are fine with weight and the big red one is too heavy and probably too big but whatever. i think even converting pounds to francs then to USD i will only spend (i hope here) about 300 bucks to check them all.
eeek!
wish me luck on that one!
interesting for sure.
i miss being in DC. i miss random protests...i miss the kids. i miss.....free museums.
monday is a holiday so i will have both kids and can get to know cat again and i think henry remembers me. cat will too but it might take a bit..
i am having some beers with my friends, going to make garlicky alfredo sauce with peppers for dinner.....i feel good. i got chocolates....lots of kinder eggs and i think at the airport if my bags don't cost a ton then i will get some more chocolate. seems like the right thing to do as i didn't really get much. i am worried about the bag thing
so i have opted to carry on my keyboard/flutes and my side bag and checking the three bags. two are fine with weight and the big red one is too heavy and probably too big but whatever. i think even converting pounds to francs then to USD i will only spend (i hope here) about 300 bucks to check them all.
eeek!
wish me luck on that one!
luzern
luzern
Originally uploaded by meeshypants
i really liked this one photo. i had zero mental capacity to wander around luzern but glad i walked a bit....i'll miss it here. it's very beautiful but i am also reminded of the significant beauty of america....there are so many nooks and crannies to life in america. though i have been to 48 of 50 states, there is still much more to see...especially in south america!
feeling the peace
maybe i was out of sorts cause i was staying in zurich and it has weird memories for me.
now i am back in basel with real people! and a baby who sleeps a rather long time in the mornings. it's 830 and she's still sleeping! that's a pretty awesome kid right there!
oh i have to go to the bank and close the account. get some chocolates. some for me (there is one particular bar i have become fond of) as well as a few more kinder eggs.
daniela gave me an egg carton to put them in so i hope that i won't get checked. she said it would be better to just check them instead of carrying them....
at this time tomorrow i will be on my way to heathrow (provided it doesn't stay this foggy in basel! oh noes. my planes will be delayed!) and then from london i leave at like 1030 london time (hour behind us here in basel) and should arrive at ICA at 13:40.
i am getting rather excited to come home! i feel super blessed, awesomely lucky to be me to have all these great people in my life. sometimes i think we forget how truly lucky we are to have people in our lives. i say this because i know there are people in the world that have no one. no one to care for them or to look after them. no one sending them emails to make sure they are okay or phoning them just to say hello.
being in zurich was rather odd and hard. my friend wasn't there so it was just me which is normally fine but i found myself relieved in ways on the train ride back to basel. sad sure, but happy as if i let something go.
went to sleep last night at 2130 watching jonathan creek. lovely.
now up having some coffee....trying to decide if i should stay up all night before the flight so i can try sleeping on the flight home....i dunno i also think 'why fuck with nature'
i have to get up early to get to the airport anyhow.
i wish i could online check in but there is no printer here....
maybe i can have daniela do it while we see her at lunch time.
or just leave it to chance as usual.
i am so excited!! yay home soon y'all!
now i am back in basel with real people! and a baby who sleeps a rather long time in the mornings. it's 830 and she's still sleeping! that's a pretty awesome kid right there!
oh i have to go to the bank and close the account. get some chocolates. some for me (there is one particular bar i have become fond of) as well as a few more kinder eggs.
daniela gave me an egg carton to put them in so i hope that i won't get checked. she said it would be better to just check them instead of carrying them....
at this time tomorrow i will be on my way to heathrow (provided it doesn't stay this foggy in basel! oh noes. my planes will be delayed!) and then from london i leave at like 1030 london time (hour behind us here in basel) and should arrive at ICA at 13:40.
i am getting rather excited to come home! i feel super blessed, awesomely lucky to be me to have all these great people in my life. sometimes i think we forget how truly lucky we are to have people in our lives. i say this because i know there are people in the world that have no one. no one to care for them or to look after them. no one sending them emails to make sure they are okay or phoning them just to say hello.
being in zurich was rather odd and hard. my friend wasn't there so it was just me which is normally fine but i found myself relieved in ways on the train ride back to basel. sad sure, but happy as if i let something go.
went to sleep last night at 2130 watching jonathan creek. lovely.
now up having some coffee....trying to decide if i should stay up all night before the flight so i can try sleeping on the flight home....i dunno i also think 'why fuck with nature'
i have to get up early to get to the airport anyhow.
i wish i could online check in but there is no printer here....
maybe i can have daniela do it while we see her at lunch time.
or just leave it to chance as usual.
i am so excited!! yay home soon y'all!
08 October 2009
not super weepy
i cried a load on the still train as it was waiting to leave zurich HB.
then a wept a bit at the lindt factory.
i suppose it was the sad musics.
rather though, it was a good ride back to basel. i smiled more than cried actually. it's good to let go.
it's good to move forward.....because as you all know, there's never any going back
am in basel with james, daniela and jess their one year old and it's very nice. she's a very cute baby.
live through this and you won't look back.
there's one thing i want to say so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted
i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry it's over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say.
the end.
is near.
then a wept a bit at the lindt factory.
i suppose it was the sad musics.
rather though, it was a good ride back to basel. i smiled more than cried actually. it's good to let go.
it's good to move forward.....because as you all know, there's never any going back
am in basel with james, daniela and jess their one year old and it's very nice. she's a very cute baby.
live through this and you won't look back.
there's one thing i want to say so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted
i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry it's over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say.
the end.
is near.
saying good bye to zurich
i am saying bye to zurich today. i spent many a weekend here and found it to be like my home away from home.
i am glad i was able to come stay here while my friend was away and while i was a wee bit homeless. what am i talking about. i am homeless.
maybe i cried so much last night that i am out of tears today. who knows. perhaps the train back to basel will be the overwhelming part....last train ride in schweiz...i know the route like the back of my hand now.
i am filled with a lot of emotions but that's me. emotional and sensitive. raw and real.
i am glad i was able to come stay here while my friend was away and while i was a wee bit homeless. what am i talking about. i am homeless.
maybe i cried so much last night that i am out of tears today. who knows. perhaps the train back to basel will be the overwhelming part....last train ride in schweiz...i know the route like the back of my hand now.
i am filled with a lot of emotions but that's me. emotional and sensitive. raw and real.
07 October 2009
vierwaldstättersee
today i took an amazing boat ride from brunnen to luzern.
it was the most beautiful ride. the weather was perfect....the breeze cool and the sun warm. i cried a lot but that's what i do best. i had my headphones on the whole time listening to songs that reminded me of here....of people.
when we got to luzern i sort of freaked out a bit. the boat ride was so mellow and lovely and there were fourteen billion people on the docks right by the HB--we also docked around 4 so it was rush hour, fall school holidays and some crazy ass carnival.
mass walls of people was not something i was looking for.
i quickly found a side street to take some deep breaths.
i would have walked around a lot more but i am so poor and i would have liked to eat....but knew it would be like 30 francs--and did i mention the amount of people?
maybe it's been rainy all over schweiz the past few days cause today the humans were out in full force.
i opted to walk a bit then came back 'home' to zurich.
got some food in me and while i am wavering on tears, feeling much better.
i will miss you too.....i remember when i was leaving DC....i guess it was like five weeks and i thought that it would go slowly but it didn't and as i have found here, five weeks ago i wouldn't have thought i would be here today this fast.
i wish my friend was here but i am happy to have the peace of this flat....it's been a great comfort to me to know that i have made significant friends/connections with people here.
it's some kind of odd emptiness and also a sense of feeling so full....
it was the most beautiful ride. the weather was perfect....the breeze cool and the sun warm. i cried a lot but that's what i do best. i had my headphones on the whole time listening to songs that reminded me of here....of people.
when we got to luzern i sort of freaked out a bit. the boat ride was so mellow and lovely and there were fourteen billion people on the docks right by the HB--we also docked around 4 so it was rush hour, fall school holidays and some crazy ass carnival.
mass walls of people was not something i was looking for.
i quickly found a side street to take some deep breaths.
i would have walked around a lot more but i am so poor and i would have liked to eat....but knew it would be like 30 francs--and did i mention the amount of people?
maybe it's been rainy all over schweiz the past few days cause today the humans were out in full force.
i opted to walk a bit then came back 'home' to zurich.
got some food in me and while i am wavering on tears, feeling much better.
i will miss you too.....i remember when i was leaving DC....i guess it was like five weeks and i thought that it would go slowly but it didn't and as i have found here, five weeks ago i wouldn't have thought i would be here today this fast.
i wish my friend was here but i am happy to have the peace of this flat....it's been a great comfort to me to know that i have made significant friends/connections with people here.
it's some kind of odd emptiness and also a sense of feeling so full....
weird....kind of numb?
i don't think i am numb but i sure feel odd about leaving and that there is only 3 days left.
i do like change and i do know that i am doing the right thing. as a dear friend told me it's better to know about unhappiness and to do something about it rather than stay and suffer.
in the end i think it was best for everyone involved.
it's been gray and rainy in zurich for two days but today it's clear as a bell in the sky so i look forward to taking the train to brunnen and then a boat to luzern. thanks louis for the swiss change to be able to do it.
that guy has money all over the house. i guess i learned a lot about money here too. so long as i have a roof, food, friends...clothes. i don't 'need' much else. though it's nice to 'have' stuff having my life and breath and people that care about me is more incredible than there are words.
i am reminded of the fact that there are certain things that just cannot be put into words. perhaps that is how i am feeling now. i have been a crying mess-watching myself slip into the background of someone's mind....watching the life continue as if i wasn't here anymore and i guess in some ways it is better to see that. i am happy that there is someone else to keep the company though the sting, well, stings.
i am open but i need others to be open too otherwise it makes the openness one sided. assumptions are made. feelings get hurt.
i have some bread belly to get rid of! much exercise will be done when i get back as well as no more breads!! (but reminded me that i have to bring some rösti and chocolate home!)
i have that really nervous feeling in my stomach...i don't know why. i guess all the finality of things. i have enjoyed seeing what i have seen. it makes me long to see more of the world now.
i look forward to seeing the children....to seeing washington again for that is where i feel like it is my home. or at least my home base. roots.
back to basel tomorrow!
i do like change and i do know that i am doing the right thing. as a dear friend told me it's better to know about unhappiness and to do something about it rather than stay and suffer.
in the end i think it was best for everyone involved.
it's been gray and rainy in zurich for two days but today it's clear as a bell in the sky so i look forward to taking the train to brunnen and then a boat to luzern. thanks louis for the swiss change to be able to do it.
that guy has money all over the house. i guess i learned a lot about money here too. so long as i have a roof, food, friends...clothes. i don't 'need' much else. though it's nice to 'have' stuff having my life and breath and people that care about me is more incredible than there are words.
i am reminded of the fact that there are certain things that just cannot be put into words. perhaps that is how i am feeling now. i have been a crying mess-watching myself slip into the background of someone's mind....watching the life continue as if i wasn't here anymore and i guess in some ways it is better to see that. i am happy that there is someone else to keep the company though the sting, well, stings.
i am open but i need others to be open too otherwise it makes the openness one sided. assumptions are made. feelings get hurt.
i have some bread belly to get rid of! much exercise will be done when i get back as well as no more breads!! (but reminded me that i have to bring some rösti and chocolate home!)
i have that really nervous feeling in my stomach...i don't know why. i guess all the finality of things. i have enjoyed seeing what i have seen. it makes me long to see more of the world now.
i look forward to seeing the children....to seeing washington again for that is where i feel like it is my home. or at least my home base. roots.
back to basel tomorrow!
yeah i know, john denver but...
...it's about KIDS and i love KIDS and they are super AMAZING little people!
06 October 2009
fall leaves in fountain
fall leaves in fountain
Originally uploaded by meeshypants
i think we all know what meesh will be getting with her deposit. that's right, a god damn SLR and one that can use fixed lenses. that's where i will need help....from my camera loving friends.
this is blurry but i really like it....it was rainy and cool tonight in zurich. i have....what four days left really only three since i fly out early saturday.
tomorrow i am going to luzern. i hope the weather is nice. i want to take a boat from brunnen to luzern....
05 October 2009
rain
it is still raining. not a good night to go out to take photos. bah.
i guess it would be good to just relax a little. i am very tired.
laundry to fold and stuff....maybe a glass of wine....dunno.
it's weird to be here.
i guess it would be good to just relax a little. i am very tired.
laundry to fold and stuff....maybe a glass of wine....dunno.
it's weird to be here.
meesh passes inspection
so there i was all the things were put away...just me sitting in a chair in my empty flat.
waiting at 11. promptly on time of course the bell rang!
the lady was older, gray, skinny and all she said was guten tag and shook my hand. was totally silent and got out her clip board and all these papers!
i was freaking out on the inside.
when she opened the fridge that was the only time i spoke and said 'i did mention about the freezer door and i wasn't sure if i was to unplug the freezer to thaw it out' she only nodded and kept on running about writing stuff down.
at the end she wanted me to sign something and before i did, i asked 'so can you explain this to me?'
she said 'oh it's fine, you'll get your deposit back in full'
i almost cried but bit the inside of my mouth so hard so that i wouldn't.
a big sigh
put on my pack, got my bag and other bag so many bags.
off i went to the SBB and to zurich.
i am not so exhausted. i am not as much tired as i am emotionally drained maybe.
being at this flat in zurich is making me a bit emotional....just the whole business of how things ended with tamara and joachim doesn't sit all that well with me. some things i guess just don't work out. hopefully in time we all can look back on the lessons of it.
waiting at 11. promptly on time of course the bell rang!
the lady was older, gray, skinny and all she said was guten tag and shook my hand. was totally silent and got out her clip board and all these papers!
i was freaking out on the inside.
when she opened the fridge that was the only time i spoke and said 'i did mention about the freezer door and i wasn't sure if i was to unplug the freezer to thaw it out' she only nodded and kept on running about writing stuff down.
at the end she wanted me to sign something and before i did, i asked 'so can you explain this to me?'
she said 'oh it's fine, you'll get your deposit back in full'
i almost cried but bit the inside of my mouth so hard so that i wouldn't.
a big sigh
put on my pack, got my bag and other bag so many bags.
off i went to the SBB and to zurich.
i am not so exhausted. i am not as much tired as i am emotionally drained maybe.
being at this flat in zurich is making me a bit emotional....just the whole business of how things ended with tamara and joachim doesn't sit all that well with me. some things i guess just don't work out. hopefully in time we all can look back on the lessons of it.
floor dreams
i tried one style of floor bed and around 3 in the morning tried another. the second one worked much better but i had rough weird dreamy sleep
first dream was louis as the inspector in a pin striped suit helping old ladies and carrying my things to the tram stop.....no clip board, just a camera to photograph what was wrong with the flat.
second dream zurich. with my travel pack and saddle bag. it was pouring rain. i got on tram ten to louis's house. he was on tram to work or the airport. don't know. we didn't really talk. i went to the stop near his house. i forgot my computer bag and laundry bag on the tram. he stopped the driver and gave me my things as the doors were closing. (loss). the cable car wasn't working....people making signs in glitter to warn people that it wasn't working.
last dream hazy but more about inspection. mopping and cleaning.
i am so glad this cleaning shit (i hope) is over after today. on to relaxing, laundry and luzern.
back to basel on thursday at the request and suggestion of daniela here and i am happy for the company and to be around jess, their one year old. i miss the kids. i miss kids in general.
i can't believe this will be over soon.
having my last cup of morning joe in the flat....packed and i am rather smelly and dirty cause i didn't want to mess up the tub anymore....i look forward to chillin tonight in zuri doing laundry....relaxing and taking a loooong hot shower!
i gots me, my travel pack, my red suitcase and my carry on
my life in a few places. the transience is upon me again. the change. the departure from what was into what will be.
i am thankful, grateful, sad, happy, excited, scared.....
first dream was louis as the inspector in a pin striped suit helping old ladies and carrying my things to the tram stop.....no clip board, just a camera to photograph what was wrong with the flat.
second dream zurich. with my travel pack and saddle bag. it was pouring rain. i got on tram ten to louis's house. he was on tram to work or the airport. don't know. we didn't really talk. i went to the stop near his house. i forgot my computer bag and laundry bag on the tram. he stopped the driver and gave me my things as the doors were closing. (loss). the cable car wasn't working....people making signs in glitter to warn people that it wasn't working.
last dream hazy but more about inspection. mopping and cleaning.
i am so glad this cleaning shit (i hope) is over after today. on to relaxing, laundry and luzern.
back to basel on thursday at the request and suggestion of daniela here and i am happy for the company and to be around jess, their one year old. i miss the kids. i miss kids in general.
i can't believe this will be over soon.
having my last cup of morning joe in the flat....packed and i am rather smelly and dirty cause i didn't want to mess up the tub anymore....i look forward to chillin tonight in zuri doing laundry....relaxing and taking a loooong hot shower!
i gots me, my travel pack, my red suitcase and my carry on
my life in a few places. the transience is upon me again. the change. the departure from what was into what will be.
i am thankful, grateful, sad, happy, excited, scared.....
04 October 2009
last night in the flat
tonight is my last night in my flat!
weirdness!
i made a little bed on the floor with a little blanket and my sleeping bag.
i am listening to the innocence mission.....it's been a bit of off and on crying....re cleaning the windows and things.
weirdness!
i made a little bed on the floor with a little blanket and my sleeping bag.
i am listening to the innocence mission.....it's been a bit of off and on crying....re cleaning the windows and things.
my fascination with worldly dictators..
i found this to be interesting...
i'm a big fan of that there ahmadinejad...
i'm a big fan of that there ahmadinejad...
bed gone, coffee....dylan....
the nice british family has come to collect the bed and my comforter.
i even got an extra five francs. i can totally go to luzern now from zurich!
it's 22 francs round trip to luzern from zuri.
next up i have to complete the cleaning of the fridge.....mop again...the bathroom sink and toilet...otherwise i think i am pretty much done.
thankfully migros is open today so i can get some yogurt and something to snack on for the day...i have just one bowl of corn flakes left a bit of milk and coffee. some sugar.
learned why migros is open on sundays in my hood. it's not a real migros! it is run by someone else hence the selling of booze at this one. most other migros have no booze cause it is run by a very religious family...so they license the store name to others.
Mmmm....heidi birchermüesli.....i shall miss this delightful treaty breakfast!
maybe in the end, all the answers, as bob so likes to say, are blowing in the wind.
i even got an extra five francs. i can totally go to luzern now from zurich!
it's 22 francs round trip to luzern from zuri.
next up i have to complete the cleaning of the fridge.....mop again...the bathroom sink and toilet...otherwise i think i am pretty much done.
thankfully migros is open today so i can get some yogurt and something to snack on for the day...i have just one bowl of corn flakes left a bit of milk and coffee. some sugar.
learned why migros is open on sundays in my hood. it's not a real migros! it is run by someone else hence the selling of booze at this one. most other migros have no booze cause it is run by a very religious family...so they license the store name to others.
Mmmm....heidi birchermüesli.....i shall miss this delightful treaty breakfast!
maybe in the end, all the answers, as bob so likes to say, are blowing in the wind.
03 October 2009
hope. the word. the meaning.
hope. as defined in the dictionary on my computer:
noun:
a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen
okay. i can see where this definition would allow for disappointment.
check.
next definition:
a person or thing that may help or save someone : their only hope is surgery.
so the only thing that will save me is the hope that surgery will save me. okay. that's still hope especially if i needed say a new liver or heart....right?
so i would hope...okay check. this definition could also lead someone to disappointment.
(do you see where i am going with this? conversation this morning with someone from home who was up waaay too late while i was having my morning joe...about hope, my hope for my own self and my own life...i had a good logic teacher, so wonder about specific definitions of the word 'hope')
next:
noun
grounds for believing that something good may happen : he does see some hope for the future.
grounds for believing. why good? have we not as humans at some point or another time in our lives hoped that bad things happened to the bad people? i doubt anyone would readily admit this, but still, leading to more disappointment. he does see some hope for the future, but future is relatively unknown.
ahh, now we may be getting somewheres!
i find this one closer to what i think i was getting at:
archaic- a feeling of trust.
an old definition but one that relates more to what i think about hope. i suppose a trust in myself...
hope is more a 'feeling' for me.
i don't hope for things (material) or that things would be 'different' or that i hope to win the lottery...it's more personal.
my own personal hopes for myself, not necessarily for any future things but just for who i am as a person. that i hope i am okay. that i hope i have fun. that i hope i can ease my pain. that i hope i am a good friend. hope that i am a good nanny. hope that i am whatever i want to be and make that manifest.
we all have pain and we all deal with it our own ways.
i think as humans no matter our beliefs, have a bit of hope...in life, our fellow man or whatever...
so i hope for my own life goodness. i hope for my life to be the best me i can and even when i am not, that i hope i see what i did wrong and make up for it.
noun:
a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen
okay. i can see where this definition would allow for disappointment.
check.
next definition:
a person or thing that may help or save someone : their only hope is surgery.
so the only thing that will save me is the hope that surgery will save me. okay. that's still hope especially if i needed say a new liver or heart....right?
so i would hope...okay check. this definition could also lead someone to disappointment.
(do you see where i am going with this? conversation this morning with someone from home who was up waaay too late while i was having my morning joe...about hope, my hope for my own self and my own life...i had a good logic teacher, so wonder about specific definitions of the word 'hope')
next:
noun
grounds for believing that something good may happen : he does see some hope for the future.
grounds for believing. why good? have we not as humans at some point or another time in our lives hoped that bad things happened to the bad people? i doubt anyone would readily admit this, but still, leading to more disappointment. he does see some hope for the future, but future is relatively unknown.
ahh, now we may be getting somewheres!
i find this one closer to what i think i was getting at:
archaic- a feeling of trust.
an old definition but one that relates more to what i think about hope. i suppose a trust in myself...
hope is more a 'feeling' for me.
i don't hope for things (material) or that things would be 'different' or that i hope to win the lottery...it's more personal.
my own personal hopes for myself, not necessarily for any future things but just for who i am as a person. that i hope i am okay. that i hope i have fun. that i hope i can ease my pain. that i hope i am a good friend. hope that i am a good nanny. hope that i am whatever i want to be and make that manifest.
we all have pain and we all deal with it our own ways.
i think as humans no matter our beliefs, have a bit of hope...in life, our fellow man or whatever...
so i hope for my own life goodness. i hope for my life to be the best me i can and even when i am not, that i hope i see what i did wrong and make up for it.
oh dear where do i go
oh dear where do i go
Originally uploaded by meeshypants
sometimes i feel like this sign represents my life. where am i going?
what am i doing?
i listen to music that certain folks introduce me to....view pictures that remind me of times and places...
looking back on my life and wondering about the future.
it's a great leap of faith i take daily. curiously hoping that i have had some effect on others as much as they have had on me.
i didn't think i would get that close but i did.
02 October 2009
notes on coming home
a few things.
one- luckiest gal alive getting to go back to my two favorite kids to be their minder, their teacher and their friend. i am so looking forward to seeing hencat again and the amount of gratitude i have is immeasurable.
two- i will be staying in dupont circle for at least october. i will be working starting the 12th and readjusting to life back in the dee cee....
three- i think i will have the same phone number i had before but will know more in the coming week.
four- i cannot thank everyone enough for keeping me virtual company this past week. i have had many ups and downs and all arounds so it's been helpful to have this company. being in zurich next week will be more exciting because things in basel, i hope, will be completed...(however my bank closed because of re-vamping their computer systems so monday i hope to close that account)
five- i know that maybe you want to see me at some point but i am going to tell you strait away that i will need time to just be and figure out where to live and things and that's going to be most important. if you know of places that are for rent, know people that need roommates or anything of that nature, send them my way. i will send a 'welcome me home' email and figure out a weekend to celebrate some october bdays-you know who you are...
six- thanks to DJW for letting me use his home as my base in october but i will still want to give the guy some space now and then so i will be of course forcing myself on other people's couches.
seven- i have released many material things. this brings me a certain kind of peace. out with the old and in with the new. the adventure will always live in my mind. i have photos and memories. it's all i really need. well that and clothes i suppose....not a super big fan of wandering around naked.
eight- the people in my flat building must think i am insane for running the hoover so much but i am trying to keep everything dust free!
nine- i obsessively check BA's website daily to ensure that my flight is in fact confirmed. i am equally obsessive about being freaked out to fly over the ocean. i don't know why. i am sure it will be fine...but it still freaks me out for some reason.
ten- thanks brian for coming all the way out to dulles to get me and i hope i get to drive home! it's been months since i have driven!!
woooo hoooooo the meesh is coming home to annoy you all again!
i am seriously out of bike riding shape but can't wait to get back on the bike.
i can't wait to get stuck in a metro train
to remember i am not in efficiently on time switzerland anymore
to try to roll with the punches and let the things that don't matter slide off my shoulders like so many drops of rain
to figure out how in the future i can work with disadvantaged kids somehow. my way of giving back to those that gave to me...
to just being a better person...to being more honest. to love more...
one- luckiest gal alive getting to go back to my two favorite kids to be their minder, their teacher and their friend. i am so looking forward to seeing hencat again and the amount of gratitude i have is immeasurable.
two- i will be staying in dupont circle for at least october. i will be working starting the 12th and readjusting to life back in the dee cee....
three- i think i will have the same phone number i had before but will know more in the coming week.
four- i cannot thank everyone enough for keeping me virtual company this past week. i have had many ups and downs and all arounds so it's been helpful to have this company. being in zurich next week will be more exciting because things in basel, i hope, will be completed...(however my bank closed because of re-vamping their computer systems so monday i hope to close that account)
five- i know that maybe you want to see me at some point but i am going to tell you strait away that i will need time to just be and figure out where to live and things and that's going to be most important. if you know of places that are for rent, know people that need roommates or anything of that nature, send them my way. i will send a 'welcome me home' email and figure out a weekend to celebrate some october bdays-you know who you are...
six- thanks to DJW for letting me use his home as my base in october but i will still want to give the guy some space now and then so i will be of course forcing myself on other people's couches.
seven- i have released many material things. this brings me a certain kind of peace. out with the old and in with the new. the adventure will always live in my mind. i have photos and memories. it's all i really need. well that and clothes i suppose....not a super big fan of wandering around naked.
eight- the people in my flat building must think i am insane for running the hoover so much but i am trying to keep everything dust free!
nine- i obsessively check BA's website daily to ensure that my flight is in fact confirmed. i am equally obsessive about being freaked out to fly over the ocean. i don't know why. i am sure it will be fine...but it still freaks me out for some reason.
ten- thanks brian for coming all the way out to dulles to get me and i hope i get to drive home! it's been months since i have driven!!
woooo hoooooo the meesh is coming home to annoy you all again!
i am seriously out of bike riding shape but can't wait to get back on the bike.
i can't wait to get stuck in a metro train
to remember i am not in efficiently on time switzerland anymore
to try to roll with the punches and let the things that don't matter slide off my shoulders like so many drops of rain
to figure out how in the future i can work with disadvantaged kids somehow. my way of giving back to those that gave to me...
to just being a better person...to being more honest. to love more...
01 October 2009
spezi!!
spezi!!
Originally uploaded by meeshypants
this was/is the best soda i have ever had. i generally don't drink much pop but was introduced to this delightful treat in berlin and i took a bottle home with me....i am already having a hard time figuring out what to pack so i am leaving this bottle behind but it reminded me of being a kid at a micky d's and putting a bit of each kind of soda in the cup and 'mixing' up the sodas...
whistle while i work
it's official. i am slowly losing my mind.
i rather like my own company but this cleaning i am doing is bordering on obsessive.
the stove knobs won't come off and i want to soak them.
i broke the freezer door and told them about it but the man never called me to come fix it.
whoever put the windows in one of the doors to my balcony didn't clean in between the panes of glass so it's foggy and they know this, i saw it when i moved in but i am now worried that they won't remember.
i have vacuumed all the walls/corners/baseboards. i have cleaned on my hands and knees every inch of the bathroom except the bath tub and toilet because i am still using those two items.
all the cabinets are clear and clean. tops bottoms doors handles.
stove interior is so clean i would eat out of it if i could but now i don't want to use it again.
my fridge contains 4 beers, two things of milk and my left over sauce.
i have corn flakes.
sugar and coffee.
water.
vitamins. essential ingredient.
there is too much money at stake and from some of the horror stories i have heard about cleaning flats and getting money back i am scared to death i won't see a cent of that money again.
i didn't nick the floors, they are golden and shining.
no pictures up except one and i have no putty. i have to get putty and a bit of white paint to go over some spots.
the burners on the stove are electric. therefore they are this weird kind though that rust. they are rusty and i have no idea how to clean them. they were like that when i moved in and i have gently wiped them over and over to get the 'flakes' off of them.....i am leaving all my furniture here for the next lady that's moving in.
that's all in the small entrance room except this kitchen table. i think i have to leave the table here.
i am supposed to leave my bags with friends in basel but maybe i will take them all to zurich with me because i keep re-organizing them....
i rather like my own company but this cleaning i am doing is bordering on obsessive.
the stove knobs won't come off and i want to soak them.
i broke the freezer door and told them about it but the man never called me to come fix it.
whoever put the windows in one of the doors to my balcony didn't clean in between the panes of glass so it's foggy and they know this, i saw it when i moved in but i am now worried that they won't remember.
i have vacuumed all the walls/corners/baseboards. i have cleaned on my hands and knees every inch of the bathroom except the bath tub and toilet because i am still using those two items.
all the cabinets are clear and clean. tops bottoms doors handles.
stove interior is so clean i would eat out of it if i could but now i don't want to use it again.
my fridge contains 4 beers, two things of milk and my left over sauce.
i have corn flakes.
sugar and coffee.
water.
vitamins. essential ingredient.
there is too much money at stake and from some of the horror stories i have heard about cleaning flats and getting money back i am scared to death i won't see a cent of that money again.
i didn't nick the floors, they are golden and shining.
no pictures up except one and i have no putty. i have to get putty and a bit of white paint to go over some spots.
the burners on the stove are electric. therefore they are this weird kind though that rust. they are rusty and i have no idea how to clean them. they were like that when i moved in and i have gently wiped them over and over to get the 'flakes' off of them.....i am leaving all my furniture here for the next lady that's moving in.
that's all in the small entrance room except this kitchen table. i think i have to leave the table here.
i am supposed to leave my bags with friends in basel but maybe i will take them all to zurich with me because i keep re-organizing them....
best sticker ever
best sticker ever
Originally uploaded by meeshypants
when i walk to the HB from where i was in zurich all those weekends i always saw this little guy and i never took a photo. not sure why but i opted to last weekend. i love this and now you can love it too.
i can only clean so much right..
today is now thursday!
i have much of the flat emptied of most trash/things i cannot take with me.
i went to sleep rather early i guess and woke up to weird dreams again around 430 and just couldn't get back to sleep so here i am.
i can nap later. maybe i should try to get back on america time now! i can stay up until around 5 in the morning and sleep until around 1 PM.....will this help me readjust?
probably not.
so i am having a coffee...thinking i will get most of my bedroom cleaned today but that really involves just dusting off the baseboards and cleaning the floor. i never even put lights up in the ceiling...in switzerland the homes don't come with light fixtures or lamps....just some hanging wire with a light bulb.
also i have been looking for places to live....so this lady writes me and says she's got a room in her lovely house at the edge of rock creek park and a 20 minute walk from silver spring station and she wants 1000 for it. i told her that was too much so she wrote back and said that i could have a very small room and do yard work for her and take some money off. ha!
instead some other nice lady on the craigslist wrote me and she is moving out of her place in columbia heights. it's 1200 a month all bills. that's half my salary a month but....i think i might take it cause i have rather enjoyed living alone.
i would like to continue living alone.
she is from greece, ny which instantly bonded us together. she has a soft spot for rochester so she's going to wait until i get back to let me see it and meet and such.
i know it's a lot of moolah but....i want to be in the city....and i have learned to live very cheaply here and i think i could afford it and be okay. i will have no furniture but....that's okay.
the cool thing is they are willing to wait till november or maybe mid november which would allow me time to save up for the deposit and such. i only worry about a credit check cause my credit suuuuucks.
but i have good references for renting and so on.....so cross the fingers for me!
it's all surreal to me coming home. i tend to overwhelm myself with emotion. i keep trying to remember that i am so very lucky...grateful....that i gave this my best shot and it didn't work and it's nothing to be ashamed of that it didn't work out. just another notch in the belt of life.
i have found a lot of europeans to be an unemotional lot...not all of course....but just on a day to day basis....
i want to be a better communicator. i want to be able to say 'this bothers me, let's have a talk about it, resolve it, shake hands and move on'
i did that here with the family quite a bit but we could never really agree because i was so used to being free with kids and they didn't want this freedom (as henri will agree, typical german family). they wanted me but a me that was going to do only what they wanted. i get that. it's a job. we all have jobs. we all have to do things at our jobs we might rather not do. even if we love our jobs. i love my job. i LOVE kids. i love being around them and talking to them and teaching them things. if i have this base for love and appreciation the rest is like gravy or icing.
i am terrible at finding you tubes of actual videos. so here is a song i love and which is such a sad story....the man really is a poet.
i have much of the flat emptied of most trash/things i cannot take with me.
i went to sleep rather early i guess and woke up to weird dreams again around 430 and just couldn't get back to sleep so here i am.
i can nap later. maybe i should try to get back on america time now! i can stay up until around 5 in the morning and sleep until around 1 PM.....will this help me readjust?
probably not.
so i am having a coffee...thinking i will get most of my bedroom cleaned today but that really involves just dusting off the baseboards and cleaning the floor. i never even put lights up in the ceiling...in switzerland the homes don't come with light fixtures or lamps....just some hanging wire with a light bulb.
also i have been looking for places to live....so this lady writes me and says she's got a room in her lovely house at the edge of rock creek park and a 20 minute walk from silver spring station and she wants 1000 for it. i told her that was too much so she wrote back and said that i could have a very small room and do yard work for her and take some money off. ha!
instead some other nice lady on the craigslist wrote me and she is moving out of her place in columbia heights. it's 1200 a month all bills. that's half my salary a month but....i think i might take it cause i have rather enjoyed living alone.
i would like to continue living alone.
she is from greece, ny which instantly bonded us together. she has a soft spot for rochester so she's going to wait until i get back to let me see it and meet and such.
i know it's a lot of moolah but....i want to be in the city....and i have learned to live very cheaply here and i think i could afford it and be okay. i will have no furniture but....that's okay.
the cool thing is they are willing to wait till november or maybe mid november which would allow me time to save up for the deposit and such. i only worry about a credit check cause my credit suuuuucks.
but i have good references for renting and so on.....so cross the fingers for me!
it's all surreal to me coming home. i tend to overwhelm myself with emotion. i keep trying to remember that i am so very lucky...grateful....that i gave this my best shot and it didn't work and it's nothing to be ashamed of that it didn't work out. just another notch in the belt of life.
i have found a lot of europeans to be an unemotional lot...not all of course....but just on a day to day basis....
i want to be a better communicator. i want to be able to say 'this bothers me, let's have a talk about it, resolve it, shake hands and move on'
i did that here with the family quite a bit but we could never really agree because i was so used to being free with kids and they didn't want this freedom (as henri will agree, typical german family). they wanted me but a me that was going to do only what they wanted. i get that. it's a job. we all have jobs. we all have to do things at our jobs we might rather not do. even if we love our jobs. i love my job. i LOVE kids. i love being around them and talking to them and teaching them things. if i have this base for love and appreciation the rest is like gravy or icing.
i am terrible at finding you tubes of actual videos. so here is a song i love and which is such a sad story....the man really is a poet.
30 September 2009
when you know the notes to sing...
i love this. so much. it makes me miss henry cause i used to sing this with him all the time and i also sang it with the kids here..
amazing.
amazing.
music
i have not had any television since moving here.
i have downloaded dexter and lost.
i have watched movies but mostly i have listened to music.
all kinds of music.
music reminds me of me. of where i am. of times and places. where i have been and where i am going.
how things change and how things always remain the same.
i may have mentioned this before but i will mention it again.
the book.
"the music of life" by hazrat inyat khan a sufi.
i am nowhere near religious but i like the way the sufi's tend to think.
this book survived my house fire when i was 21.
it's about....music being everywhere...birds singing...car engines....trains, trams, planes....it's an amazing book.
i have downloaded dexter and lost.
i have watched movies but mostly i have listened to music.
all kinds of music.
music reminds me of me. of where i am. of times and places. where i have been and where i am going.
how things change and how things always remain the same.
i may have mentioned this before but i will mention it again.
the book.
"the music of life" by hazrat inyat khan a sufi.
i am nowhere near religious but i like the way the sufi's tend to think.
this book survived my house fire when i was 21.
it's about....music being everywhere...birds singing...car engines....trains, trams, planes....it's an amazing book.
strong vs. weak
sometimes i know how strong i am. i know i have weathered so much bullshit.
sometimes i know i can be weak. it is now possible for me to feel myself becoming weak in some regards. so instead of 'being' weak i am working through it to make myself stronger.
there's been something that has been making me waver between weak and strong. i take a big deep breath, remember who i am and realize that i am better off being strong about it instead of weak.
though i am still weak. i still....want people to know they hurt me. not as horribly as before in my life but i still think i have to make a point to tell people at least my feelings on the subject.
oddly this time it just stings. it isn't so much severe pain as it is just a paper cut.
i know this might not make much sense to anyone but i guess it does to me so that's important!
so i am tough.....tough as nails. just TRY to fight me!
sometimes i know i can be weak. it is now possible for me to feel myself becoming weak in some regards. so instead of 'being' weak i am working through it to make myself stronger.
there's been something that has been making me waver between weak and strong. i take a big deep breath, remember who i am and realize that i am better off being strong about it instead of weak.
though i am still weak. i still....want people to know they hurt me. not as horribly as before in my life but i still think i have to make a point to tell people at least my feelings on the subject.
oddly this time it just stings. it isn't so much severe pain as it is just a paper cut.
i know this might not make much sense to anyone but i guess it does to me so that's important!
so i am tough.....tough as nails. just TRY to fight me!
29 September 2009
no more cleaning posts...
okay so i think we all know i have to have this flat clean as a whistle for inspection next monday.
i'll leave it there. y'all know i am a damn good cleaner so i know i will pass with flying colors.
thoughts:
the idiot that made a poll on facebook about assassinating obama? seriously a moron.
swiss people, even though it's about 75 degrees today, are all out in parkas, sweaters and scarves. i know it's chilly in the morning but can't they just 'carry' their coats?
i still want a freitag bag....(meesh says as she is trying to get RID of things, not get MORE things!)
looking forward to luzern next week.
wow, it's already 330!
awesome. i like getting shit done.
i'll leave it there. y'all know i am a damn good cleaner so i know i will pass with flying colors.
thoughts:
the idiot that made a poll on facebook about assassinating obama? seriously a moron.
swiss people, even though it's about 75 degrees today, are all out in parkas, sweaters and scarves. i know it's chilly in the morning but can't they just 'carry' their coats?
i still want a freitag bag....(meesh says as she is trying to get RID of things, not get MORE things!)
looking forward to luzern next week.
wow, it's already 330!
awesome. i like getting shit done.
boards of canada and sorting
today is yet another day of sorting and throwing away things i just don't think i will need. which means probably a lot of clothes. thankfully the US has many a thrift store and i can just get 'new' old clothes....i will however, not throw out my awesome sandals i got while here, i will wear my clunky keen hikers on the plane.....and have two other pairs. i had to throw out the hiking sandals. i loved those things. i got them for my trip to the dakotas three summers ago and it was a tearful good bye.
(i am a gal and i do like shoes)
it didn't cost as much as i thought to ship the didge but the lady said she wasn't sure if US PS and customs will make a charge on the box when it arrives. i pray to sweet mail jesus that my didgeridoo makes it. the other box, well, it's okay just sentimental things in there.
perhaps i will get really wacky today and just throw things out that remind me of things. i have my memories and i have photographs. i don't 'need' all these things yet part of me wants to always have them because these 'trinkets' remind me of times and places and people.
so hard to say goodbye to 'things' but that's all they are and will ever be. things.
today i start on the bathroom cleaning! not so bad. also will get the creepy spiders off the windows and try to clean them.
toot toot!
happy tuesday everyone!
(i am a gal and i do like shoes)
it didn't cost as much as i thought to ship the didge but the lady said she wasn't sure if US PS and customs will make a charge on the box when it arrives. i pray to sweet mail jesus that my didgeridoo makes it. the other box, well, it's okay just sentimental things in there.
perhaps i will get really wacky today and just throw things out that remind me of things. i have my memories and i have photographs. i don't 'need' all these things yet part of me wants to always have them because these 'trinkets' remind me of times and places and people.
so hard to say goodbye to 'things' but that's all they are and will ever be. things.
today i start on the bathroom cleaning! not so bad. also will get the creepy spiders off the windows and try to clean them.
toot toot!
happy tuesday everyone!
28 September 2009
well of course she'd want the money back
so i spent how much money to come here without asking them for one penny to help. instead a friend helped me.
what about my plane ticket.....almost a grand....and in the contract for the new nanny they are flying her here from china...they will also be paying for her plane ticket back to phillipines in july for her holiday.
so i have to pay them 364 francs. do i have this moolah? no. i have enough for to mail my things, make it to zurich for when i am homeless from this flat and i pray enough to get my luggage home.
they'll just have to wait.
i don't know what else to do.
besides she didn't send me any bank information so i have no idea where i would transfer it anyhow.
i guess i will email tomorrow. i am sure they can say they can sue me but can they stop me from leaving the country? that scares me the most...
what about my plane ticket.....almost a grand....and in the contract for the new nanny they are flying her here from china...they will also be paying for her plane ticket back to phillipines in july for her holiday.
so i have to pay them 364 francs. do i have this moolah? no. i have enough for to mail my things, make it to zurich for when i am homeless from this flat and i pray enough to get my luggage home.
they'll just have to wait.
i don't know what else to do.
besides she didn't send me any bank information so i have no idea where i would transfer it anyhow.
i guess i will email tomorrow. i am sure they can say they can sue me but can they stop me from leaving the country? that scares me the most...
don't want to stop making stories...
or just my brain rambling at nothing or no one in particular.
i have always felt so transient with people. there are lots of people that i am still with. that are still with me. that i love and care about. there are many people that i had encounters with and that was that....no clue where they are or what they are up to..
i guess i am not the kind of person that just says good bye and that's that. sometimes, as i told a dear friend, perhaps it's all just how i test people. their character. i have to be with people with strong character. life is hard. things are hard. emotions add fuel to this fire and do we have the wits to withstand the heat?
half the time when i start to try to tell people how i feel it makes them uncomfortable and i just want to tell them i care.....i am not trying to make things 'weird' or 'awkward'. i have been working on getting better at it. maybe some people don't want to know that they were truly cared for. dunno. i am a survivor and have been...well, damaged. but it isn't stopping me from trying to figure out who i am and how i can just be more me like and find/keep those that are well, like this too.
on facebook i have been re connecting with some people i have not seen since oh you know the mid 90's and whoa what times those were. it's really quite interesting because these were some weird years for me...
someone also posted somewhere that they will have stories to tell and i feel like this. i will have all these stories to tell as i get older....all these things i have done....i feel like i come across as pompous but whatever...
we all have stories.
as homer said in an episode of the simpsons "I like stories"
i don't think any one persons history is inconsequential.....we have these stories because they are what made us who we are right now. wherever now is for anyone.
i guess i just wanted to say that i don't ever want to stop making stories.
i have always felt so transient with people. there are lots of people that i am still with. that are still with me. that i love and care about. there are many people that i had encounters with and that was that....no clue where they are or what they are up to..
i guess i am not the kind of person that just says good bye and that's that. sometimes, as i told a dear friend, perhaps it's all just how i test people. their character. i have to be with people with strong character. life is hard. things are hard. emotions add fuel to this fire and do we have the wits to withstand the heat?
half the time when i start to try to tell people how i feel it makes them uncomfortable and i just want to tell them i care.....i am not trying to make things 'weird' or 'awkward'. i have been working on getting better at it. maybe some people don't want to know that they were truly cared for. dunno. i am a survivor and have been...well, damaged. but it isn't stopping me from trying to figure out who i am and how i can just be more me like and find/keep those that are well, like this too.
on facebook i have been re connecting with some people i have not seen since oh you know the mid 90's and whoa what times those were. it's really quite interesting because these were some weird years for me...
someone also posted somewhere that they will have stories to tell and i feel like this. i will have all these stories to tell as i get older....all these things i have done....i feel like i come across as pompous but whatever...
we all have stories.
as homer said in an episode of the simpsons "I like stories"
i don't think any one persons history is inconsequential.....we have these stories because they are what made us who we are right now. wherever now is for anyone.
i guess i just wanted to say that i don't ever want to stop making stories.
the ends....the beginnings....
took my bed apart today and thankfully it went swimmingly. it was the first brand new bed i have ever had in my whole 34 years on planet earth. i am sad to see it go so maybe, just maybe, i'll get another one when i get home.
not sure.
my flat is shaping up nicely and looking....empty again.
i managed to get a lot of cleaning done in between reading the news, posting constantly on twitter and facebooking.
it's beer o clock and i am making dinner. tonight it's the delightful frozen pizza with the fresh mootzarella and pesto. i will miss this frozen delight.
i wanted to go to a show tonight but it's just too expensive. they are from brooklyn so perhaps i will be able to see them in the states at some point. called au revoir simone.
i've never heard their music.
i feel relaxed and more at peace. maybe because i don't have to go to work and see 'the weirdest parents ever' anymore. maybe it's because i am looking forward to being home again. maybe i am just really good at what's that called....doing a bunch of things at once....
i downloaded a movie from my friends server and will probably watch that maybe....
deep breaths. random thoughts cross my mind all day long....what it will be like to be home...to drive a car again....to see the ocean....i can't wait to see the ocean again. i love oceans.
i do miss the kiddos, gernot and wolfie and i suspect they've been asking about me.
the parents never told them i was going. hell, they didn't even tell gernot he was going to be in kindergarten....i dunno, i know they are kids but kids are totally not stupid.
read a friends blog.....and have to say this too shall pass.
not sure.
my flat is shaping up nicely and looking....empty again.
i managed to get a lot of cleaning done in between reading the news, posting constantly on twitter and facebooking.
it's beer o clock and i am making dinner. tonight it's the delightful frozen pizza with the fresh mootzarella and pesto. i will miss this frozen delight.
i wanted to go to a show tonight but it's just too expensive. they are from brooklyn so perhaps i will be able to see them in the states at some point. called au revoir simone.
i've never heard their music.
i feel relaxed and more at peace. maybe because i don't have to go to work and see 'the weirdest parents ever' anymore. maybe it's because i am looking forward to being home again. maybe i am just really good at what's that called....doing a bunch of things at once....
i downloaded a movie from my friends server and will probably watch that maybe....
deep breaths. random thoughts cross my mind all day long....what it will be like to be home...to drive a car again....to see the ocean....i can't wait to see the ocean again. i love oceans.
i do miss the kiddos, gernot and wolfie and i suspect they've been asking about me.
the parents never told them i was going. hell, they didn't even tell gernot he was going to be in kindergarten....i dunno, i know they are kids but kids are totally not stupid.
read a friends blog.....and have to say this too shall pass.
that was easy!
so i was nervous cause the swiss are so into rules about things and i have a lot of plastic to recycle! so i took a couple smallish bags to the Coop grocery store and it was easy breezy and i didn't even get yelled at! hizzah
also. found 70 francs in my journal. not quite sure why i put it in a separate place. perhaps for shipping the old didgeridoo. but now i feel a bit more comfortable in shipping it and one box.
i just wonder how much it will cost for my suitcases.....that's the scary part.
i am trying to put all the heavy stuff in my carry on suitcase...
it's monday. i have had my coffee, listening to some musics...going to dismantle the bed today and try to clean the small room so i can start moving things there that the new girl who is moving into my flat will be keeping as her own.
and i need a couple light bulbs. now i am confused cause the EU started this whole new 'no more regular' light bulb initiative and i think schweiz did the same....so we'll see.
clean clean clean!
also. found 70 francs in my journal. not quite sure why i put it in a separate place. perhaps for shipping the old didgeridoo. but now i feel a bit more comfortable in shipping it and one box.
i just wonder how much it will cost for my suitcases.....that's the scary part.
i am trying to put all the heavy stuff in my carry on suitcase...
it's monday. i have had my coffee, listening to some musics...going to dismantle the bed today and try to clean the small room so i can start moving things there that the new girl who is moving into my flat will be keeping as her own.
and i need a couple light bulbs. now i am confused cause the EU started this whole new 'no more regular' light bulb initiative and i think schweiz did the same....so we'll see.
clean clean clean!
27 September 2009
you have no idea
what it feels like to be coming home.
this song will tell you!
i feel so loved it's really kind of scary for me.
maybe now i am really learning what love is. what acceptance means. what 'family' is.
i made it to the old bookstore in zurich. got one more magazine and a bunch of tiny pictures of the duomo in milan.
i will be in basel all this week. on the 5th i have the dreaded swiss inspection of my flat.
then i will go stay in zurich for a few days....do ALL my laundry.....relax a bit. walk around zurich and perhaps take a day trip to luzern. it's only 11 francs from zuri so it's round trip i think around 25...then i can bring food with me and just chill in luzern. i have to see this city before i go. some lady told me that it was the prettiest city in switzerland.
so we'll see about that. the whole god damn country is beautiful. i love taking the trains here.
anyhow, i have been listening to aesop rock for days on end. the man is a poet. he's amazing. why didn't i know of him before? not sure but either way, learning about him now is fine with me.
i will have a cell phone! i think it will even be the same number i had before. sarah said they suspended it cause it was on contract so very cool that i might be able to have the razor! it will also remind me of henri to have the razor phone.
time for a bowl of corn flakes and some arts.
seriously thank you everyone that has been there, sent encouraging things....it has meant the world to me.
this song will tell you!
i feel so loved it's really kind of scary for me.
maybe now i am really learning what love is. what acceptance means. what 'family' is.
i made it to the old bookstore in zurich. got one more magazine and a bunch of tiny pictures of the duomo in milan.
i will be in basel all this week. on the 5th i have the dreaded swiss inspection of my flat.
then i will go stay in zurich for a few days....do ALL my laundry.....relax a bit. walk around zurich and perhaps take a day trip to luzern. it's only 11 francs from zuri so it's round trip i think around 25...then i can bring food with me and just chill in luzern. i have to see this city before i go. some lady told me that it was the prettiest city in switzerland.
so we'll see about that. the whole god damn country is beautiful. i love taking the trains here.
anyhow, i have been listening to aesop rock for days on end. the man is a poet. he's amazing. why didn't i know of him before? not sure but either way, learning about him now is fine with me.
i will have a cell phone! i think it will even be the same number i had before. sarah said they suspended it cause it was on contract so very cool that i might be able to have the razor! it will also remind me of henri to have the razor phone.
time for a bowl of corn flakes and some arts.
seriously thank you everyone that has been there, sent encouraging things....it has meant the world to me.
as it is..good byes are never really permanant
it's hard to say bye but as it goes it's good to know that i will always have a friend.
not long now.
this week is all about perfection in cleaning my flat.
should be interesting.
not long now.
this week is all about perfection in cleaning my flat.
should be interesting.
speaking and listening
sometimes adults like to tell kids to speak only when spoken to.
i have never really liked that phrase but just the same i tend to use this advice.
sometimes i want people to listen to me, to really listen.
sometimes what i have to say is important......
i just wanted honesty. i just wanted to know....what i did right and what i did wrong.
i did something really stupid last night. it could come back to bite me in the ass or it might not. i'll have to give it some time to process.
maybe the best way to say good bye is to just go.
i cannot be sure but what i do now know is more of what i want, what i expect.
it is not bad to know what we want as people.
it is good to have experiences with others so that we can better understand ourselves and what we seek and desire in this life.
for some it's drinking or drugs because that fills the emptiness inside. for some it's race car driving. for some it is meaningless sex with strangers. you name it someone does it to fill that void inside of them.
but what about just learning to fill our own voids? i am not opposed to this and i believe i have achieved it through making art. by thinking. by writing down all the things i do that are bad that are good and filtering it all and filing it away for when i might need it in the future. to remember.
i have come to know that i want honesty. i want someone to be able to talk to me about anything however mundane or inconsequential. i want people to tell me their dreams and ideas. i want to fully understand where someone is coming from especially if i care about them.
i learned here though, that no matter how much care i have had, i didn't get what i wanted. this is okay with me. i just keep on living and growing. no harm no foul. just a bit of a bruised soul and heart that heals over time as i keep on going.
i wrote this poem a long time ago. it's weird to read and as someone said it's much better if it is read aloud. perhaps i will make it into some weird experimental song one day.
for ages now:
For ages now we have been striving to understand the circumstances that surround us
Watching the bastards multiply at a rapid rate of speed
Melted plastic oozing from within, drawing blood
Extinguished miscreants belch on the merchandise
They compromise the conclusion set forth by intrusion
Butchering untrained soldiers until there are no more imperfections
Deafening screeches of dementia slaughter with imperfect magnificence
Rounding the truth that was unstable delivers our unpleasant chaos
Delightful pigeons rejoice in front of another image
Pausing to replace their spasmodic feathers
Initiating first rites among those who cannot sleep
We instill the expiration into their brain cells
Knowing that knowledge is nothing ever unless freedom is consistent
i have never really liked that phrase but just the same i tend to use this advice.
sometimes i want people to listen to me, to really listen.
sometimes what i have to say is important......
i just wanted honesty. i just wanted to know....what i did right and what i did wrong.
i did something really stupid last night. it could come back to bite me in the ass or it might not. i'll have to give it some time to process.
maybe the best way to say good bye is to just go.
i cannot be sure but what i do now know is more of what i want, what i expect.
it is not bad to know what we want as people.
it is good to have experiences with others so that we can better understand ourselves and what we seek and desire in this life.
for some it's drinking or drugs because that fills the emptiness inside. for some it's race car driving. for some it is meaningless sex with strangers. you name it someone does it to fill that void inside of them.
but what about just learning to fill our own voids? i am not opposed to this and i believe i have achieved it through making art. by thinking. by writing down all the things i do that are bad that are good and filtering it all and filing it away for when i might need it in the future. to remember.
i have come to know that i want honesty. i want someone to be able to talk to me about anything however mundane or inconsequential. i want people to tell me their dreams and ideas. i want to fully understand where someone is coming from especially if i care about them.
i learned here though, that no matter how much care i have had, i didn't get what i wanted. this is okay with me. i just keep on living and growing. no harm no foul. just a bit of a bruised soul and heart that heals over time as i keep on going.
i wrote this poem a long time ago. it's weird to read and as someone said it's much better if it is read aloud. perhaps i will make it into some weird experimental song one day.
for ages now:
For ages now we have been striving to understand the circumstances that surround us
Watching the bastards multiply at a rapid rate of speed
Melted plastic oozing from within, drawing blood
Extinguished miscreants belch on the merchandise
They compromise the conclusion set forth by intrusion
Butchering untrained soldiers until there are no more imperfections
Deafening screeches of dementia slaughter with imperfect magnificence
Rounding the truth that was unstable delivers our unpleasant chaos
Delightful pigeons rejoice in front of another image
Pausing to replace their spasmodic feathers
Initiating first rites among those who cannot sleep
We instill the expiration into their brain cells
Knowing that knowledge is nothing ever unless freedom is consistent
26 September 2009
saying good bye
i am in zurich saying good bye.
it's so sad for me.
i will really miss louis.
he's taken me to some great places....taught me many things.
it's so hard to say good bye
i keep wanting to just go home to basel but something tells me i should go with the flow and just stay here....say good bye....maybe a firm hand shake... a hug perhaps.
not really sure. i keep crying.....not sad so much as just....it's always nice to find people that i connect with....
it's usually a sad weird thing when things end.
ben harper. song: forever.
forever always seems to be around when things begin but forever never seems to be around when things end.
it's so sad for me.
i will really miss louis.
he's taken me to some great places....taught me many things.
it's so hard to say good bye
i keep wanting to just go home to basel but something tells me i should go with the flow and just stay here....say good bye....maybe a firm hand shake... a hug perhaps.
not really sure. i keep crying.....not sad so much as just....it's always nice to find people that i connect with....
it's usually a sad weird thing when things end.
ben harper. song: forever.
forever always seems to be around when things begin but forever never seems to be around when things end.
reason holds beginnings
Originally uploaded by ashley & traci
i am grateful for having been turned on to these photos. i admire their work greatly
everything is temporary if you give it long enough
just a thought to think about.
also, everything happens.
things happen around us to us and to those we care about.
i have reached out and have gotten feedback but ultimately choices are our own to make. how we feel what we do and how we get along.
secrets. we all have them. we share, i share. i share too much maybe. i tend to be open about who i am. where i have been and what i do. i ask questions if i don't understand where a person is coming from. i have to know their thought process.
this life i have been living here is going to end in two weeks time.
so in the end, it was temporary and onto the next phase of solid.
it took me leaving to realize what i had. i can only hope i am a better person for it. i hope i am more caring, more open, more honest and better able to communicate with people.
there isn't anything i can do to thank paul and sarah for letting me come home. i may have said it before but....i feel lucky, grateful, excited.....i never want to feel like i go backwards in life. i want to move ahead to the next great things i will do to who i will keep changing into.
i want to settle. i want roots. i want to have a home, even if i rent it. i want to be near my friends there and i want my heart to be with those that are not physically near me as they have been while i was living here.
i want to continue to erase the pain of where i come from....of what it feels like it makes me...i want to shed the past behaviors and i want to be able to move forward towards my own specific happiness.
if it is school then it is school. if it is starting an art collective in DC then it's that. maybe it can be all the things i want it to be. i want to always grow. i want to always check myself and i want people to check me too when i am being a pain in the ass.
because really, i am still a pain in the ass!
(just not as big a pain i think....)
i hold dear the things here that i love and will come home in two weeks to hold dear what i love there.
...i can't wait to meet dave's cats.....i can't wait to meet leanne and to see brian and lucas again.....i will come home to henry's 4th birthday and a much taller catherine.....i will come home to the wedding of two of my neatest and dearest friends (dressed in the nicest slacks i have and a bright red swiss sweatshirt)......i want corey to help me get a new camera....i want to play music again with jeff.....provided my didgeridoo makes it home.....i want to go drinking with topping and make laughter at his expense and watch him get mad at me over and over again....i want a home cooked meal from seamus.....i want to see diane because i have not heard from her since i left....i long for a good IPA with ballsy.....i want to finally go goth dancing with wisher....i want diner food.....cheap movies.....i want to hug brad for helping me get my ticket home (best gift EVER).....i want to work with mac on the art for his book....i want science chats with fortran......i want chip to make me my french baguette......i want to wrestle with knickerslacker....i want to make art with dale and lydia.....i want a cool place to live......there is so much change and so much beauty in the world and all these beautiful people have cared about me.......so while i have no real family to speak of, you are all my family......
i want to break free of the negative thoughts i sometimes have. and i have done a mighty good job of that recently. i am truly happy for louis.....that he's found a partner in crime....that henri is learning whatever he is learning in paris....and what he will continue to learn as he moves around the world (hopefully coming to DC at some point!)....jess will continue to grow into a very cool well rounded baby because she has two of the coolest parents i know....
i want to keep being me. the only me i am in all the colors i come in.
also, everything happens.
things happen around us to us and to those we care about.
i have reached out and have gotten feedback but ultimately choices are our own to make. how we feel what we do and how we get along.
secrets. we all have them. we share, i share. i share too much maybe. i tend to be open about who i am. where i have been and what i do. i ask questions if i don't understand where a person is coming from. i have to know their thought process.
this life i have been living here is going to end in two weeks time.
so in the end, it was temporary and onto the next phase of solid.
it took me leaving to realize what i had. i can only hope i am a better person for it. i hope i am more caring, more open, more honest and better able to communicate with people.
there isn't anything i can do to thank paul and sarah for letting me come home. i may have said it before but....i feel lucky, grateful, excited.....i never want to feel like i go backwards in life. i want to move ahead to the next great things i will do to who i will keep changing into.
i want to settle. i want roots. i want to have a home, even if i rent it. i want to be near my friends there and i want my heart to be with those that are not physically near me as they have been while i was living here.
i want to continue to erase the pain of where i come from....of what it feels like it makes me...i want to shed the past behaviors and i want to be able to move forward towards my own specific happiness.
if it is school then it is school. if it is starting an art collective in DC then it's that. maybe it can be all the things i want it to be. i want to always grow. i want to always check myself and i want people to check me too when i am being a pain in the ass.
because really, i am still a pain in the ass!
(just not as big a pain i think....)
i hold dear the things here that i love and will come home in two weeks to hold dear what i love there.
...i can't wait to meet dave's cats.....i can't wait to meet leanne and to see brian and lucas again.....i will come home to henry's 4th birthday and a much taller catherine.....i will come home to the wedding of two of my neatest and dearest friends (dressed in the nicest slacks i have and a bright red swiss sweatshirt)......i want corey to help me get a new camera....i want to play music again with jeff.....provided my didgeridoo makes it home.....i want to go drinking with topping and make laughter at his expense and watch him get mad at me over and over again....i want a home cooked meal from seamus.....i want to see diane because i have not heard from her since i left....i long for a good IPA with ballsy.....i want to finally go goth dancing with wisher....i want diner food.....cheap movies.....i want to hug brad for helping me get my ticket home (best gift EVER).....i want to work with mac on the art for his book....i want science chats with fortran......i want chip to make me my french baguette......i want to wrestle with knickerslacker....i want to make art with dale and lydia.....i want a cool place to live......there is so much change and so much beauty in the world and all these beautiful people have cared about me.......so while i have no real family to speak of, you are all my family......
i want to break free of the negative thoughts i sometimes have. and i have done a mighty good job of that recently. i am truly happy for louis.....that he's found a partner in crime....that henri is learning whatever he is learning in paris....and what he will continue to learn as he moves around the world (hopefully coming to DC at some point!)....jess will continue to grow into a very cool well rounded baby because she has two of the coolest parents i know....
i want to keep being me. the only me i am in all the colors i come in.
25 September 2009
the god dilemma-and no not the book...
i have never read the book.
i was taking a shower after work. i was thinking in the shower. i tend to think a lot in general.
but i was thinking about why people believe in god.
i mean lots of really shit things have happened to me and to people i know and sometimes we wonder why, right? i mean who doesn't wonder. sometimes we do all the right things, think we make the right choices and still wonder...why.
so i was thinking about this in reference to god. so do people who believe in god imagine that his purpose is not to be known and that he does this shit to people for a reason?
i am starting to dislike that phrase also.....everything happens for a reason. no the reason things happen is because we let them happen. we make a choice. we do what we think we ought to do. we deal with the consequences or we don't.
i think i wrote this somewhere about my friend winter who said to me once "whatever makes it easier for you." and this i think is what people think about when they believe in god maybe? that it makes life easier because they can just say god works in 'mysterious' ways and that he holds all this power over things that happen.
so is it easier to just believe in god because then we don't have to blame ourselves when shit happens?
to be honest sometimes i do wonder why. i wonder why me. do god lovers think god is testing them when they are well, tested?
life is what we make it ourselves, here on this rock called earth. we make choices. we feel certain ways. we have shit we go through just like everyone else.
i have been saying the serenity prayer all week. except the god part. i just say 'i grant myself the ability to accept the things i can't change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference'
i mean it's a true thing just to say it for ourselves. it's true that there are things we cannot change. we cannot change people....we can only change ourselves.
we should i hope have lived long enough to have the wisdom to know what we can and cannot change.
we should be able to know what makes things 'easier' for us and how we decide to cope with the life that is set out before us.
there is no god that does this for us.
we do it for ourselves with our minds...with our experiences to guide us, with the help of solid friends (i hope), with truth and integrity...with empathy and compassion.....with heart and strength.
sometimes life is fucking hard. sometimes we have to do things we would rather not do so that in the end we can say we did it the best we could.....gave it our all.
now it is time for beers.
i was taking a shower after work. i was thinking in the shower. i tend to think a lot in general.
but i was thinking about why people believe in god.
i mean lots of really shit things have happened to me and to people i know and sometimes we wonder why, right? i mean who doesn't wonder. sometimes we do all the right things, think we make the right choices and still wonder...why.
so i was thinking about this in reference to god. so do people who believe in god imagine that his purpose is not to be known and that he does this shit to people for a reason?
i am starting to dislike that phrase also.....everything happens for a reason. no the reason things happen is because we let them happen. we make a choice. we do what we think we ought to do. we deal with the consequences or we don't.
i think i wrote this somewhere about my friend winter who said to me once "whatever makes it easier for you." and this i think is what people think about when they believe in god maybe? that it makes life easier because they can just say god works in 'mysterious' ways and that he holds all this power over things that happen.
so is it easier to just believe in god because then we don't have to blame ourselves when shit happens?
to be honest sometimes i do wonder why. i wonder why me. do god lovers think god is testing them when they are well, tested?
life is what we make it ourselves, here on this rock called earth. we make choices. we feel certain ways. we have shit we go through just like everyone else.
i have been saying the serenity prayer all week. except the god part. i just say 'i grant myself the ability to accept the things i can't change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference'
i mean it's a true thing just to say it for ourselves. it's true that there are things we cannot change. we cannot change people....we can only change ourselves.
we should i hope have lived long enough to have the wisdom to know what we can and cannot change.
we should be able to know what makes things 'easier' for us and how we decide to cope with the life that is set out before us.
there is no god that does this for us.
we do it for ourselves with our minds...with our experiences to guide us, with the help of solid friends (i hope), with truth and integrity...with empathy and compassion.....with heart and strength.
sometimes life is fucking hard. sometimes we have to do things we would rather not do so that in the end we can say we did it the best we could.....gave it our all.
now it is time for beers.
24 September 2009
the white album
it's been a very long time since i have listened to the white album.
it's freaking amazing.
it's been one crazy ride.
i am not sure what else to say
i should go to bed. i have one more day this week to deal with.
i also really want it to be over now.
i know i have three days left but it's so very hard.....i keep telling myself that it is almost over. to look ahead at just some time off before going home.
i might just have to set the alarm for a later time. oops.
for three days in a row!
laughs out loud.
(my friend mentioned somewhere that he says LOL in real life and it's actually true, i heard it with my two ears)
so LOL
at least tomorrow is friday. hopefully flies by.
it's freaking amazing.
it's been one crazy ride.
i am not sure what else to say
i should go to bed. i have one more day this week to deal with.
i also really want it to be over now.
i know i have three days left but it's so very hard.....i keep telling myself that it is almost over. to look ahead at just some time off before going home.
i might just have to set the alarm for a later time. oops.
for three days in a row!
laughs out loud.
(my friend mentioned somewhere that he says LOL in real life and it's actually true, i heard it with my two ears)
so LOL
at least tomorrow is friday. hopefully flies by.
wow, two more weeks
wow.
i can't believe i am coming home in two weeks.
i have become less and less weepy and sad.
i blame my hormonal grumpiness last week
but really i am emotional and sensitive. i just let things get to me far more than they really should.
what a crazy weekend it will be when i get back!
ye old brian will pick me up from dulles. yay and i get to drive home. i have not driven a car since i left. whooooooooooo!
my very awesome pal is letting me house sit/clean and pay very close attention to two amazing kitties for most of october.
so from the friends:
i need a cell phone. can i get pre paid phones in the US like i did here?
i am guessing yes. i have this razor phone still and could go to T mobile i suppose with it and open my own account.
i will obviously need a place to live.
for october i am okay but if i still haven't found a house share or anything i will need ideas. i have another great pal in falls church and i am sure i could surf there for at least a week (right jeff??)
i know there are many places i can stay and i am SO VERY GRATEFUL for everything and for everyone that misses me that has stuck with me that has supported me that have written to me that have sent me fun things in the mail.
it's going to be a weird adjustment to be back but i still have my barack obama smart trip card for the metro. i still have my bike (though a bit out of shape, i hope to be back to my old slimmy self within a month or so)....
i will have nothing else but the few suitcases and boxes at corey's.
there's something about me and always starting 'over' in some ways.
i can't believe i am coming home in two weeks.
i have become less and less weepy and sad.
i blame my hormonal grumpiness last week
but really i am emotional and sensitive. i just let things get to me far more than they really should.
what a crazy weekend it will be when i get back!
ye old brian will pick me up from dulles. yay and i get to drive home. i have not driven a car since i left. whooooooooooo!
my very awesome pal is letting me house sit/clean and pay very close attention to two amazing kitties for most of october.
so from the friends:
i need a cell phone. can i get pre paid phones in the US like i did here?
i am guessing yes. i have this razor phone still and could go to T mobile i suppose with it and open my own account.
i will obviously need a place to live.
for october i am okay but if i still haven't found a house share or anything i will need ideas. i have another great pal in falls church and i am sure i could surf there for at least a week (right jeff??)
i know there are many places i can stay and i am SO VERY GRATEFUL for everything and for everyone that misses me that has stuck with me that has supported me that have written to me that have sent me fun things in the mail.
it's going to be a weird adjustment to be back but i still have my barack obama smart trip card for the metro. i still have my bike (though a bit out of shape, i hope to be back to my old slimmy self within a month or so)....
i will have nothing else but the few suitcases and boxes at corey's.
there's something about me and always starting 'over' in some ways.
23 September 2009
22 September 2009
going through things
we all go through things. bad things. weird things. scary things-happy things-moments - maybe they are called moments. emotional things....some people are really good at masking that sort of thing....me, probably not so much. that's ok. i can laugh at myself about it.
i have learned a great deal about people and about myself.
we're all ok. we all make it. we have other people that help hold us up. we have things we do to occupy our minds. does everyone wonder 'what if' from time to time? don't you think we are all scared of the same kinds of things, with only our own experiences to guide us? we worry about the same things.....we do what we have to do in order to survive...we do good things and get good things back.....we trust that what we are doing is the right thing and even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment, i have to say i go with my gut a lot.
someone said this to me today:
you have lived such a nomadic life, I'm surprised you're not used to it by now! I've been very envious of your adventures, but seriously this is the part I don't envy, and I'm sorry you have to transition once again.
it's true.....it's the people. i am so very sad at times but also have perfected the art of detachment.....the main reason i want to go back to DC is that i have never felt so much 'at home' as i have in DC....
i used to be sorry that i left but now i am glad i did. perhaps i realized what true roots might mean. i could still move a thousand times in DC or i could finally settle down, i don't know....but DC is my 'home' now.
there are parts of me that want to settle. settle down a bit more. make the roots. i feel so welcomed back in DC. it's a great feeling and i am going to think about that everyday. i am grateful.
maybe i did it so i could see new things. as many new things as possible and as many different cultures.
it was exciting and odd and fun.....beautiful.
i have been blessed to see and to have met so many different people
i have found that i believe in well behaved yet fun and awesome kids. that it's cool to ask questions about things but not scream and have tantrums. just easy going!
it's a very weird feeling to be leaving. saw the OT lady for the last time today and she complimented me on the behavior of gernot and wolfie and how great she thought it was. she asked why i was out last tuesday and i said i needed a 'mental health day' and she laughed.
it does certainly feel good to have someone tell me something really positive. my old pals in DC usually told me once in a while i was doing a good job or what to do better and we were always on the same page. i guess i needed this experience. i am not sure what the future holds but i do know that i want to find a way to eventually work with disadvantaged children somewhere...
for as much bullshit there is, there are far more awesome times just being me around kids and letting them be them.
on tram today wolfie and gernot both were getting a bit screamy. i said 'halt' and then said 'wait till we get off the tram, okay?'. they did and as soon as we were on the sidewalk i started screaming and they followed right along...it was really something - small but fun.
there are times i am not sure where to begin with this adventure.
it's going to come out in art probably and i look forward to playing music again.
i have learned a great deal about people and about myself.
we're all ok. we all make it. we have other people that help hold us up. we have things we do to occupy our minds. does everyone wonder 'what if' from time to time? don't you think we are all scared of the same kinds of things, with only our own experiences to guide us? we worry about the same things.....we do what we have to do in order to survive...we do good things and get good things back.....we trust that what we are doing is the right thing and even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment, i have to say i go with my gut a lot.
someone said this to me today:
you have lived such a nomadic life, I'm surprised you're not used to it by now! I've been very envious of your adventures, but seriously this is the part I don't envy, and I'm sorry you have to transition once again.
it's true.....it's the people. i am so very sad at times but also have perfected the art of detachment.....the main reason i want to go back to DC is that i have never felt so much 'at home' as i have in DC....
i used to be sorry that i left but now i am glad i did. perhaps i realized what true roots might mean. i could still move a thousand times in DC or i could finally settle down, i don't know....but DC is my 'home' now.
there are parts of me that want to settle. settle down a bit more. make the roots. i feel so welcomed back in DC. it's a great feeling and i am going to think about that everyday. i am grateful.
maybe i did it so i could see new things. as many new things as possible and as many different cultures.
it was exciting and odd and fun.....beautiful.
i have been blessed to see and to have met so many different people
i have found that i believe in well behaved yet fun and awesome kids. that it's cool to ask questions about things but not scream and have tantrums. just easy going!
it's a very weird feeling to be leaving. saw the OT lady for the last time today and she complimented me on the behavior of gernot and wolfie and how great she thought it was. she asked why i was out last tuesday and i said i needed a 'mental health day' and she laughed.
it does certainly feel good to have someone tell me something really positive. my old pals in DC usually told me once in a while i was doing a good job or what to do better and we were always on the same page. i guess i needed this experience. i am not sure what the future holds but i do know that i want to find a way to eventually work with disadvantaged children somewhere...
for as much bullshit there is, there are far more awesome times just being me around kids and letting them be them.
on tram today wolfie and gernot both were getting a bit screamy. i said 'halt' and then said 'wait till we get off the tram, okay?'. they did and as soon as we were on the sidewalk i started screaming and they followed right along...it was really something - small but fun.
there are times i am not sure where to begin with this adventure.
it's going to come out in art probably and i look forward to playing music again.
see complaints department
on top of the 40 francs for headphones kids broke, 25 francs for 'deregistering' from the canton of basel i now have to get another water bottle. why you ask?
why not ask the children.
i can't wait to be back to where there are dollar stores.
why not ask the children.
i can't wait to be back to where there are dollar stores.
making peace
i made peace with my friend in zurich.
i was afraid i would say something really mean in the heat of me being well kind of emotional but i refrained and am glad for it.
tis weird when there is no sun all week but then it comes out on the weekend. i would rather have it on the weekend sure but still.
i think i will take the kids to the basel registration office to find out what hoops i need to go through to get a 'leaving certificate' that will probably cost me a billion francs but i need the stupid thing to prove i am actually leaving.
god damn swiss!
either way it's shaping up to be an ok day.
i was afraid i would say something really mean in the heat of me being well kind of emotional but i refrained and am glad for it.
tis weird when there is no sun all week but then it comes out on the weekend. i would rather have it on the weekend sure but still.
i think i will take the kids to the basel registration office to find out what hoops i need to go through to get a 'leaving certificate' that will probably cost me a billion francs but i need the stupid thing to prove i am actually leaving.
god damn swiss!
either way it's shaping up to be an ok day.
21 September 2009
has you tube gone weird?
okay so when i post links on facebook of you tubes it goes to a giant screen now instead of the page with the tiny video. this happened also while i was chatting and received a link. weird. either way, leonard cohen-bird on the wire
on being open part deux
it's okay to be open. giving. free.
but sometimes that openness creates places where a person can feel hurt anyhow.
maybe it's part getting too close and assuming things that are not there.
if people cannot be open out in the air with the only thing we have to be open with, words, then i am not sure what good it is to get close anymore.
it is good to get close to learn more about ourselves. how we treat others and how we treat ourselves.
we get close because it makes us feel wanted or alive.
even if the moment is fleeting the emotion carries within.
there are things i cannot change and i accept this
there are things i can change and i have the courage to do this
i have the wisdom to know what the difference is.
but sometimes that openness creates places where a person can feel hurt anyhow.
maybe it's part getting too close and assuming things that are not there.
if people cannot be open out in the air with the only thing we have to be open with, words, then i am not sure what good it is to get close anymore.
it is good to get close to learn more about ourselves. how we treat others and how we treat ourselves.
we get close because it makes us feel wanted or alive.
even if the moment is fleeting the emotion carries within.
there are things i cannot change and i accept this
there are things i can change and i have the courage to do this
i have the wisdom to know what the difference is.
20 September 2009
open
honesty is the most important factor in all of this. to be open we must open up to those we feel we can be open with. if we surpass this period where we are not sure and dive into the open-ness then onward in our journey of self discovery....of experience and of learning...more about ourselves and more about the world around us. the worlds we choose to be in....
i long for people. i long for connections.
harmony and balance.
honesty and emotion
consideration and empathy
open and free
serenity.
i long for people. i long for connections.
harmony and balance.
honesty and emotion
consideration and empathy
open and free
serenity.
Kernkraftwerk Gösgen-nuclear power plant
nuclear power
Originally uploaded by meeshypants
so i go to zurich. a lot. on the way there and on the way back i try to get photos of this damn thing. it's very....ominous for the swiss countryside. finally, today i think, on a fast moving train i got a decent photo of this tower in the middle of some provincial swiss town.
so hoory for me. whoot whoot!
now i know where it is exactly in schweiz, thanks to the razor....
damn razors. so sharp.....and meesh really could google all this herself right?
you can read more about it here
can too my crying cause dehydration?
we all know i am a weeper. weepy meeshy should be the new title of this blog!
i did get some good shots finally of the nuclear power plant today on the way home.
then i listened to super sad musics which was a 'Very Bad Idea'
now i think i will work on some arts though i have no....cardboard or things to glue on...hmmm.
well maybe i will find something to glue on.
it's a pretty day. it's been nice to see the sun.
i did get some good shots finally of the nuclear power plant today on the way home.
then i listened to super sad musics which was a 'Very Bad Idea'
now i think i will work on some arts though i have no....cardboard or things to glue on...hmmm.
well maybe i will find something to glue on.
it's a pretty day. it's been nice to see the sun.
relaxing interesting weekend....
i came to zurich of course, my home away from home. i am glad i have gotten to know two cities in switzerland. i can mosey around zurich and not get lost and i really like it here. it's all on hills and makes me think that it of course used to just be mountains that were clear cut to build houses....there are some amazingly old large trees here and most houses are up in the hills. it's very beautiful.
went to the freitag store which was really cool but also made me think heavily about material items. the bags are all unique and made from train cars....very durable and sturdy. the one i wanted so much was 300 francs and while my pal said it was okay for him to get it for me i couldn't justify paying him back for a bag. i already have a nice timbuktu bag that while it's a year old still looks brand new.
watched anchorman and fell in love with steve carrell all over again. 'it's in the pleats' 'i love lamp'
had some snacky dinner and watched some other crazy show about some british dude who does weird mind tricks. interesting.
my hair is finally not choppy short anymore and i love how it is full and curly again.
i am of course sad but i am also not so dreading the week ahead. i know i can do it. at least relaxed pops is back home from his business trip so that will be really helpful cause she can be crazy insane when he's not around.
i can't believe that in a few weeks i will be home. i wonder if i will still think everyone there is six hours behind me!
i will have a wedding to go to the sunday after i get back and of course i return on henry's birthday so i will have to go find him provided it doesn't take me 293829 hours to make it through customs with the weird things in my travel suitcase!
i have just enough money to sent two small boxes home as well as the 100 for my didgeridoo. i almost want to saw off six inches of it because it's taller than one meter and then that would cost an extra 20 francs.
i keep trying to not think of all the things i have to do. i have to buy those stupid blue basel bags to throw all the things in my house away. that should be fun. at least it will be in those bags....i have to recycle the plastics and glass. i have to clean my flat, take my bed apart and be at home for the people to come pick it up next sunday.....
the thing that scares me the most is not getting this deposit back from the flat. there are so many horror stories on the english forum about it. i don't have the money to go to this place that advocates for renters to have a representative come and do the inspection with me. one thing is i never put anything on the walls cause it is all brick or cement so i didn't want to bother with holes. phew!
i will have many days to get it all clean so i am not worried. you all know how much of a cleaner i am. i just have to take faucets apart, stove, counters, cabinets, probably the inside of the toilet tank has to be clean....i have this giant list that i have to have someone help me translate so i get all the things clean.
swiss microwave popcorn is the most perfect microwave popcorn i have ever had in my life.
i am thinking about quitting smoking when i get home. i know it's hard but jesus h, i have done some hard things! i think i would have more.....moral support when i get home so.....yay!
besides i think it will be really nice to be back in a place where one cannot smoke everyfreakingwhere.
even at the kinder hospital when i take gernot to appointments...people smoke right outside the front door. that is SO not allowed in DC!!
okay i think i wrote a book. i am thinking about going home soon...not sure. it's finally cooler here. i love the cold.
went to the freitag store which was really cool but also made me think heavily about material items. the bags are all unique and made from train cars....very durable and sturdy. the one i wanted so much was 300 francs and while my pal said it was okay for him to get it for me i couldn't justify paying him back for a bag. i already have a nice timbuktu bag that while it's a year old still looks brand new.
watched anchorman and fell in love with steve carrell all over again. 'it's in the pleats' 'i love lamp'
had some snacky dinner and watched some other crazy show about some british dude who does weird mind tricks. interesting.
my hair is finally not choppy short anymore and i love how it is full and curly again.
i am of course sad but i am also not so dreading the week ahead. i know i can do it. at least relaxed pops is back home from his business trip so that will be really helpful cause she can be crazy insane when he's not around.
i can't believe that in a few weeks i will be home. i wonder if i will still think everyone there is six hours behind me!
i will have a wedding to go to the sunday after i get back and of course i return on henry's birthday so i will have to go find him provided it doesn't take me 293829 hours to make it through customs with the weird things in my travel suitcase!
i have just enough money to sent two small boxes home as well as the 100 for my didgeridoo. i almost want to saw off six inches of it because it's taller than one meter and then that would cost an extra 20 francs.
i keep trying to not think of all the things i have to do. i have to buy those stupid blue basel bags to throw all the things in my house away. that should be fun. at least it will be in those bags....i have to recycle the plastics and glass. i have to clean my flat, take my bed apart and be at home for the people to come pick it up next sunday.....
the thing that scares me the most is not getting this deposit back from the flat. there are so many horror stories on the english forum about it. i don't have the money to go to this place that advocates for renters to have a representative come and do the inspection with me. one thing is i never put anything on the walls cause it is all brick or cement so i didn't want to bother with holes. phew!
i will have many days to get it all clean so i am not worried. you all know how much of a cleaner i am. i just have to take faucets apart, stove, counters, cabinets, probably the inside of the toilet tank has to be clean....i have this giant list that i have to have someone help me translate so i get all the things clean.
swiss microwave popcorn is the most perfect microwave popcorn i have ever had in my life.
i am thinking about quitting smoking when i get home. i know it's hard but jesus h, i have done some hard things! i think i would have more.....moral support when i get home so.....yay!
besides i think it will be really nice to be back in a place where one cannot smoke everyfreakingwhere.
even at the kinder hospital when i take gernot to appointments...people smoke right outside the front door. that is SO not allowed in DC!!
okay i think i wrote a book. i am thinking about going home soon...not sure. it's finally cooler here. i love the cold.
19 September 2009
weekend
so the mom talked to me in my whole face for like....five minutes after work yesterday!
crazy.
i am spending the weekend in zurich. relaxing. taking it easy.
three weeks from today peeps!
whoot!
crazy.
i am spending the weekend in zurich. relaxing. taking it easy.
three weeks from today peeps!
whoot!
18 September 2009
i am sorry for worrying peoples!
i think this has been a really emotional week for me. i apologize for worrying anyone. i am fine. just a bit stressed about the fact it will cost me 100 francs just to ship my stupid didgeridoo and if TSA/BA/Security didn't think it was a weapon then i could just bring it on the plane but i guess a giant wooden stick...well, sticks out! i had to ask my friend for financial help...which is always weird. i don't really have 'family' to ask for help in these kinds of situations...and i am just nervous that i won't get the deposit back or that it will cost more to get my two bags home....shipping two boxes....that sort of thing.
when i took this job i thought...okay this is a whole new phase of my life. i really thought i would make some kind of difference...which i think i have with the kids.
i just wasn't what the parents wanted.
i am not a parent. i am not sure i will ever be a parent. i don't know what it is like to be a stay at home mom, especially with a somewhat special needs child. what i do know is how to have fun with kids, to explore with kids, to teach them and to let them grow at their own paces.
when i first arrived it was an adjustment...getting used to all the many appointments that gernot had to go to, remembering where to go, getting lost and finding my way back home!
i say that took a good month or so then i had to find a flat which i did then i spent all this money to get a bed and other things. fine, no worries.
i essentially did what i did in all my other nanny jobs....although we had so many things to go to everyday so it was still rough for me to get a 'schedule' but i managed to get a proper nap schedule (before me poor wolfram hardly got a nap because you know who was always keeping them up....during the 'training' period she hardly let them nap thereby making really cranky kids....) lunches and just play time.
i stressed play time and parks/zoo or whatever because most of the other times we spent going going going.
after a couple months they told me i wasn't doing what they wanted me to do. which i felt was odd. the kids were learning english, we were playing and learning....but i was doing it my way which was apparently the wrong way. i thought i was being micromanaged and said as much. this didn't go over well.....i just felt bad for the kids....gernot sometimes looked so exasperated when it was always time to go to some other appointment. i figured....why are they paying these therapists when they are also paying me. i was doing speech and OT type things...i dunno.
either way, this just led to a lot of animosity.
i wasn't going to quit. i was going to stick it out but it just became too much for me. it was so hard for me to explain....before i was her nanny she would ask me about development for the kids...about foods....about lots of things. that was no longer the case and i was no longer allowed to have my opinion. so i sort of shut down with the parents. they asked for a food list and they didn't get anything on the list to try claiming that they wouldn't eat it....they said 'the kids don't eat eggs' and so i asked them to get eggs. they did and the kids loved them. the parents were shocked. it was just all these small things....we were constantly on the go so during the off times i just let the kids do what they wanted. that seemed fair to both kids. they love playing with trains so we would do that. they like me to read curious george so i did that a lot.
then i was asked to make them a daily schedule. this was over the top for me. so i drafted some kind of schedule ensuring that i put the very little free time in there and said that i wanted the kids to be outside if it was nice....also mom and dad disagreed about this. dad said it was okay for them to go out in the mornings and in the afternoons. she didn't think this was a good idea. so what is the nanny supposed to do. it just felt like none of us were on the same page.
so after this period i decided i wasn't going to be doing what they wanted so i decided to quit.
since then it's been quite weird. the mom hardly looks at me...leaves me notes around the house or will send a text/email to let me know what she wants and i do what she asks.
this past week however, i don't know....i just feel done. i feel like i have done the best i could and i feel like a total failure. i know i am not a failure but it sure feels like it some days.
it has been making me evaluate if i really am a good nanny or not. i know i am. i have many families that could attest to this.....
i have been sad about leaving because of my friend louis....my friends in basel azmina and james/daniella and their cute baby jessica.....my friend henri....
i didn't mean to worry anyone.
i am sorry i did. i have been at a loss this week and have been emailing people for advice. i wanted to just walk away, walk out leave a note and be done with it but now i know that to rise above and be the best person i can be, i will finish out my time with the kids...keep my head high and do my job just like i know how to do it!
thanks for asking about me. i hope to see you all soon.
when i took this job i thought...okay this is a whole new phase of my life. i really thought i would make some kind of difference...which i think i have with the kids.
i just wasn't what the parents wanted.
i am not a parent. i am not sure i will ever be a parent. i don't know what it is like to be a stay at home mom, especially with a somewhat special needs child. what i do know is how to have fun with kids, to explore with kids, to teach them and to let them grow at their own paces.
when i first arrived it was an adjustment...getting used to all the many appointments that gernot had to go to, remembering where to go, getting lost and finding my way back home!
i say that took a good month or so then i had to find a flat which i did then i spent all this money to get a bed and other things. fine, no worries.
i essentially did what i did in all my other nanny jobs....although we had so many things to go to everyday so it was still rough for me to get a 'schedule' but i managed to get a proper nap schedule (before me poor wolfram hardly got a nap because you know who was always keeping them up....during the 'training' period she hardly let them nap thereby making really cranky kids....) lunches and just play time.
i stressed play time and parks/zoo or whatever because most of the other times we spent going going going.
after a couple months they told me i wasn't doing what they wanted me to do. which i felt was odd. the kids were learning english, we were playing and learning....but i was doing it my way which was apparently the wrong way. i thought i was being micromanaged and said as much. this didn't go over well.....i just felt bad for the kids....gernot sometimes looked so exasperated when it was always time to go to some other appointment. i figured....why are they paying these therapists when they are also paying me. i was doing speech and OT type things...i dunno.
either way, this just led to a lot of animosity.
i wasn't going to quit. i was going to stick it out but it just became too much for me. it was so hard for me to explain....before i was her nanny she would ask me about development for the kids...about foods....about lots of things. that was no longer the case and i was no longer allowed to have my opinion. so i sort of shut down with the parents. they asked for a food list and they didn't get anything on the list to try claiming that they wouldn't eat it....they said 'the kids don't eat eggs' and so i asked them to get eggs. they did and the kids loved them. the parents were shocked. it was just all these small things....we were constantly on the go so during the off times i just let the kids do what they wanted. that seemed fair to both kids. they love playing with trains so we would do that. they like me to read curious george so i did that a lot.
then i was asked to make them a daily schedule. this was over the top for me. so i drafted some kind of schedule ensuring that i put the very little free time in there and said that i wanted the kids to be outside if it was nice....also mom and dad disagreed about this. dad said it was okay for them to go out in the mornings and in the afternoons. she didn't think this was a good idea. so what is the nanny supposed to do. it just felt like none of us were on the same page.
so after this period i decided i wasn't going to be doing what they wanted so i decided to quit.
since then it's been quite weird. the mom hardly looks at me...leaves me notes around the house or will send a text/email to let me know what she wants and i do what she asks.
this past week however, i don't know....i just feel done. i feel like i have done the best i could and i feel like a total failure. i know i am not a failure but it sure feels like it some days.
it has been making me evaluate if i really am a good nanny or not. i know i am. i have many families that could attest to this.....
i have been sad about leaving because of my friend louis....my friends in basel azmina and james/daniella and their cute baby jessica.....my friend henri....
i didn't mean to worry anyone.
i am sorry i did. i have been at a loss this week and have been emailing people for advice. i wanted to just walk away, walk out leave a note and be done with it but now i know that to rise above and be the best person i can be, i will finish out my time with the kids...keep my head high and do my job just like i know how to do it!
thanks for asking about me. i hope to see you all soon.
17 September 2009
still a bit nervous
i am still a bit nervous....though i think i will be able to manage the rest of the work time here. i suppose i just can't do that to the kids....
i only have to see her in the mornings and a bit in the evening.
i told her i had 'stress induced illness' which is semi truthful.
i am making myself sick with worry.
someone isn't talking to me much this week which makes me sad....i keep bugging them so today i won't do any bugging.
it's all just about pulling away, pushing people out.....trying to not feel as much pain...whenever i think about it i start crying....
it's been rainy and gloomy here all week too so i am sure that's not too helpful. maybe the sun will come out tomorrow...feels like when everyone in DC was talking about all the rain!
i am receiving much support and am grateful for it.
thanks peoples!
i only have to see her in the mornings and a bit in the evening.
i told her i had 'stress induced illness' which is semi truthful.
i am making myself sick with worry.
someone isn't talking to me much this week which makes me sad....i keep bugging them so today i won't do any bugging.
it's all just about pulling away, pushing people out.....trying to not feel as much pain...whenever i think about it i start crying....
it's been rainy and gloomy here all week too so i am sure that's not too helpful. maybe the sun will come out tomorrow...feels like when everyone in DC was talking about all the rain!
i am receiving much support and am grateful for it.
thanks peoples!
16 September 2009
15 September 2009
14 September 2009
Prayer Hall, Masjid Jamek - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Prayer Hall, Masjid Jamek - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Originally uploaded by Farman Syed Photography
one day i want to go to these far away places...
13 September 2009
no paris for meesh
instead of trying to go to paris i will instead use my half tax card and see some more of switzerland. this way i can say i went to almost every place here. the only other place i need to go is st. gallen and luzern.
either way, next weekend i will go to zermatt home of the matterhorn.
i want to see the alps up close one more time before i leave.
i would love to see paris but it can wait.
oh it's already 1030....i got much done in basel. this week i have to find a tube of some kind to ship my didgeridoo home in!
the weather is cool and i love the cool weathers.
anyhoo, happy sunday to the 3 people that read this!
either way, next weekend i will go to zermatt home of the matterhorn.
i want to see the alps up close one more time before i leave.
i would love to see paris but it can wait.
oh it's already 1030....i got much done in basel. this week i have to find a tube of some kind to ship my didgeridoo home in!
the weather is cool and i love the cool weathers.
anyhoo, happy sunday to the 3 people that read this!
12 September 2009
my saturday mundane accomplishments
i took the glass to the recycling today and it was so fun to smash the glass in the containers!
then i purchased some rather cheap (by swiss standards) cleaning supplies.
i soaked my rags in the disinfectant in the tub
i vacuumed.
i made coffee.
my room is clean and organized. just a few more small steps to figure out what to ship, what will fit in my suitcases/travel back pack and in my carry on....which it's looking like i will be able to take most of it with me. will probably mail two boxes.
my mother fucking wireless still won't show up on my cotton pickin computer. damn you snow leopard!
had invited louis here to basel but instead i got so much done that i think i would rather go to the 'house of comfy' in zurich.....take some pictures...fart around.
FART!
then i purchased some rather cheap (by swiss standards) cleaning supplies.
i soaked my rags in the disinfectant in the tub
i vacuumed.
i made coffee.
my room is clean and organized. just a few more small steps to figure out what to ship, what will fit in my suitcases/travel back pack and in my carry on....which it's looking like i will be able to take most of it with me. will probably mail two boxes.
my mother fucking wireless still won't show up on my cotton pickin computer. damn you snow leopard!
had invited louis here to basel but instead i got so much done that i think i would rather go to the 'house of comfy' in zurich.....take some pictures...fart around.
FART!
11 September 2009
10 September 2009
making a list
i have things to accomplish in 30 days.
-send letters to the social security people
-clean flat/throw things away/mail stuff home
-possibly going to paris next weekend (i couldn't resist after hearing of the razors upcoming jaunt....besides, it's paris. how could i live here and NOT go?)
-figuring out how to get my didgeridoo home
-call the phone company!
-make appointment with my fancy health care card and get more of my medications for free before i go
-take more photos
-enjoy the rest of the time with the boys
-hopefully sell this freaking bed....
-hope i get my deposit back but not knowing when so maybe that will be a nice surprise sometime in november
-get my two checked luggage pieces to weigh 22 KG a piece.
-fill my carry on suitcase with all the heavy stuff
-eat bread and sausage
i am sure there is more.
-send letters to the social security people
-clean flat/throw things away/mail stuff home
-possibly going to paris next weekend (i couldn't resist after hearing of the razors upcoming jaunt....besides, it's paris. how could i live here and NOT go?)
-figuring out how to get my didgeridoo home
-call the phone company!
-make appointment with my fancy health care card and get more of my medications for free before i go
-take more photos
-enjoy the rest of the time with the boys
-hopefully sell this freaking bed....
-hope i get my deposit back but not knowing when so maybe that will be a nice surprise sometime in november
-get my two checked luggage pieces to weigh 22 KG a piece.
-fill my carry on suitcase with all the heavy stuff
-eat bread and sausage
i am sure there is more.
forced adoptions.....
i used to have a subscription to 'the nation'. i miss that rag.
either way, a really fascinating and somewhat freaky article:
shotgun adoption
either way, a really fascinating and somewhat freaky article:
shotgun adoption
meesh missing the east cost, specifically philly....
i lived in philly for about four years. i lived around the corner from the drummer of the roots. he was just a really nice person....did laundry at the coin op on south street....just a part of the people.
courtesy of youtubes
thanks razor for the suggestion...lovely to wake up to.
etta james - my dearest darling
etta james - my dearest darling
09 September 2009
it's a long video..
...but it's rather interesting about how we 'view' people's behaviors and how the TSA and other kinds of folks like the law can 'group' us or 'label' us based on our behaviors.
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/1600773
i am not hyperlinking!
;-)
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/1600773
i am not hyperlinking!
;-)
been thinking today about...
...all the things i have done while here. tomorrow will mark 30 days until i go.
15 more working days.
three weeks to get my flat back to looking clean.
i will spend the last week here in zurich at my friend louis's house as i will not have anywhere else to stay and i have to turn over my flat.
i went to where herman hesse was born. that was cool. i finally got to italy which was phenomenal.
made it to three death camps.
went to....poland, italy, germany, france, hungary and england.
now when i get home i will start working on going to asia....and south america.
i will spend this weekend in basel recycling my glass and plastics...get some cleaning stuff and start the process of cleaning the flat.
have to figure out what to take home with me and what will fit in three bags.
i am going to ship i think just two boxes home for i think that's all i can afford as well as trying to get a box/tube for my didgeridoo as they won't let me bring it on the freaking plane and my cousin lisa is dropping the ball on figuring out if her dad can pay for it to be shipped to DC via fed ex on her work account.
i am hoping i can sell my bed for a little extra cash.
i will miss people...i have met a few really amazing people here. people that i will never let out of my life. so long as they don't mind i suppose.
i do look forward to coming home...figuring out what i am doing about schooling if that's the path i will be on or not....seeing henry and cat again....
i always told myself that i wouldn't ever go backwards in life and while i am going back to DC i don't feel as though it's a step backwards. rather it's a step in my own direction....that place where i think i can find more peace with myself and my life.....
blah blah blah
15 more working days.
three weeks to get my flat back to looking clean.
i will spend the last week here in zurich at my friend louis's house as i will not have anywhere else to stay and i have to turn over my flat.
i went to where herman hesse was born. that was cool. i finally got to italy which was phenomenal.
made it to three death camps.
went to....poland, italy, germany, france, hungary and england.
now when i get home i will start working on going to asia....and south america.
i will spend this weekend in basel recycling my glass and plastics...get some cleaning stuff and start the process of cleaning the flat.
have to figure out what to take home with me and what will fit in three bags.
i am going to ship i think just two boxes home for i think that's all i can afford as well as trying to get a box/tube for my didgeridoo as they won't let me bring it on the freaking plane and my cousin lisa is dropping the ball on figuring out if her dad can pay for it to be shipped to DC via fed ex on her work account.
i am hoping i can sell my bed for a little extra cash.
i will miss people...i have met a few really amazing people here. people that i will never let out of my life. so long as they don't mind i suppose.
i do look forward to coming home...figuring out what i am doing about schooling if that's the path i will be on or not....seeing henry and cat again....
i always told myself that i wouldn't ever go backwards in life and while i am going back to DC i don't feel as though it's a step backwards. rather it's a step in my own direction....that place where i think i can find more peace with myself and my life.....
blah blah blah
08 September 2009
honestly what's the big deal?
so on my facebook a lot of my right winger pals are saying that this speech to school kids by obama today is some sort of beginning of his dictatorship and are relating him to chaiman mao. seriously? i remember having to watch reagan and clinton in school....no one was making these claims.
this is the text. i don't find anything remotely dictatorial about it...do you?
this is the text. i don't find anything remotely dictatorial about it...do you?
07 September 2009
06 September 2009
budapest photos
i uploaded all the photos from buda as i got the discs of photos from me using the fancy camera.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/moosharella/sets/72157621967405827/
i also just napped for like 3 hours. yikes!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/moosharella/sets/72157621967405827/
i also just napped for like 3 hours. yikes!
photos like this
img077b
Originally uploaded by Macchina fotografica
give me that small tiny itch to want to have some offspring. just one though...
05 September 2009
04 September 2009
daughters of the soho riots-the national
i love this song.
i am not good at finding superb you tube videos but this at least has good audio...
i am not good at finding superb you tube videos but this at least has good audio...
something to consider today
"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death." --Albert Einstein
03 September 2009
clouds and crater lake
Crater Lake Oregon #13
Originally uploaded by Jersey JJ
i love clouds and i loved crater lake. i have a photo of that dead tree....is this really just one photo or was it altered? i can't tell because it seems so crisp to me. the clouds today have been awesome. been staring into the deep abyss of the sky all day...it's like an ocean but only up....
as someone who works with kids, this is F'd up
i mean, i know how annoying it can be to be in public with a crying or whining kid. i know what it is like to be WITH that kid but to have some complete stranger come up and 'shut my kid up' for me is pretty god damn ballsy....this guy was a little over the top angry.
i'll shut her up for you
i'll shut her up for you
contradictions
i guess it's true that we contradict each other and ourselves.
i used to tell people that i was a walking contradiction. i am not keen on society's norms or rules but i follow them because there's no other place for me to go so i would work and then spew at the mouth about the 'system' being fucked.
if i was so against the system then why was i in it?
it is lovely weather here. i am enjoying the cool air.
me and wolfram had a blast at the coffee shop. we sat outside and wolfie danced in the rain and was having fun. then we got soaked trying to get home. the sun was out this morning and i thought it would stay dry. i did get to take some photos of the münster and some basel street art and wolfram with spiky hair.
it went better this morning. i was thinking about it and felt that we all failed each other in some ways. i also learned a lot lot lot about how to communicate hopefully for the better.
i used to tell people that i was a walking contradiction. i am not keen on society's norms or rules but i follow them because there's no other place for me to go so i would work and then spew at the mouth about the 'system' being fucked.
if i was so against the system then why was i in it?
it is lovely weather here. i am enjoying the cool air.
me and wolfram had a blast at the coffee shop. we sat outside and wolfie danced in the rain and was having fun. then we got soaked trying to get home. the sun was out this morning and i thought it would stay dry. i did get to take some photos of the münster and some basel street art and wolfram with spiky hair.
it went better this morning. i was thinking about it and felt that we all failed each other in some ways. i also learned a lot lot lot about how to communicate hopefully for the better.
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