outsider

when i went to oregon for thanksgiving there were so many people in the house that i stayed back a bit....just watching everyone enjoying everyone else.

last night i went to a BBQ and although i really chatted it up with the nice folks there, i still felt a bit outside. first question someone asked me after asking my name was 'so novartis, UBS....?'

as i sat and listened to everyone i realized that no matter where i am the conversations are usually the same. just the accents are different.

i feel like an outsider because i want to talk about i guess more important things....i guess i would rather be quiet than to talk about the mundane. don't get me wrong, i had a pleasant time with everyone and it is nice to meet folks.....but i'll never see those folks again probably. i am not anti social. i am just.....i don't know.

i just like watching people. those of you who've known me a bit remember my bumper sticker on my car in texas. it said 'i like to watch' and it rings true to this day. i think i might come across as aloof and stand offish...mean even.

i don't mean this. in oregon at the turkey day celebration a few people asked me why i wasn't joining in the conversation. well which conversation? there were a ton of people there and it was ok for me to just observe them all.

the humans fascinate me. how they interact with one another.....sometimes it feels like some kind of contest of personality.....or of where we are in life...of what we have done and where we have been.

had a good talk with someone about education and children...when i figure out my life a bit more when i get home i want to go down the road to helping disadvantaged children somehow. while there are children the world over that need help there are kids that need help in the US just the same.

i also wonder why i have terrible dandruff!

the end!