going through thinking about dreams

going about my business today of really just mentally taking a day off.

i am always going going going. i am sort of looking forward to being back in DC to just relax a bit on my time off.

or i just won't let anyone rest and we'll always be doing stuff!!

someone asked me about lucid dreams and i went into how i like to dream and remember them but was then informed again as to what lucid really means. i always think i mistake the word lucid for vibrant, strange dreaming.

so i took a bit of time today to read on the subject. i have come to the conclusion that i have many lucid dreams. ! imagine that. it's about being aware that what is going is a dream. reminds me of the movie eternal sunshine in some ways and now also of the machinist which i have watched most of. i am taking a coffee break. cause that's how i roll.

i have actively dreamt while so tired but still awake. i am not sure if those are dreams but hallucinations.
probably the latter.

i am able to control things, direct people, move things, go places and so on in my dreams. i can make some dreams my own property - some dreams are just bizarre and i wake up in sweats...or crying....sobbing even. those are dreams that i don't think i have any control over.

it is an interesting science, that of sleep and patterns.

i tend to be an insomniac. sometimes i get frustrated that i can't get to sleep because i feel so tired. other times i just go with it....i'm done taking a shit load of medication to try to sleep. i have some herbal stuff i got in england called 'kalms' which helps. i think. maybe it is psychosomatic. i have taken melatonin but that becomes less effective almost the next day. i remember last summer i didn't sleep very much at all. someone suggested this melatonin and i took two of them wanting so badly to sleep and i think i slept 7 or 8 hours. i was so excited. so the next night thinking it would be the same, i took melatonin. sadly i didn't sleep as well.

i have taken several kinds of medications to sleep. to turn off my brain but in doing so this impedes my ability to really dream i have noticed. hence my desire to just sometimes take these kalms and let nature do the rest. perhaps i am getting enough sleep. probably not at times. i will stay up late doing things forgetting that i have to get up....or i just wake up and can't get back to sleep....

i am getting way off track.

this morning after texting that i was not going to be at work, i heard my phone vibrate and i picked it up and looked at it and it said 'yeah okay' and was from my boss and went back to sleep. i then had a dream in which i was giving plastic fake oozies to people to shoot up a starbucks...(winter is in europe afterall: ask me about winter in email if you like and i'll be happy to tell you the inside joke)...so we go in this starbucks and i have this big orange and yellow water gun and we hold up the starbucks but i had wolfram and gernot with me. there were all these other moms in the place and i kept telling them to not let them know i was stealing from starbucks. they were cool and they invited me upstairs for coffee and a play date. i went up with the kids and talked to these business ladies with kids for a while (goes to my conversation about how it is that i came to work for super business banker types and how i can get along with anyone). they were all so nice and we put down our fake guns and had coffee.

then i was in the back seat of some car. it reminded me of when i was a kid. i was going pee in the back seat and was going to um wipe....and looked out the window to my right and saw a big truck with three men inside. two were swiss army and the other guy was just the driver and they were looking at me and laughing and i turned away and waited to finish until the light changed.

so then i really woke up and was laying there and found my phone and looked at it to see the 'yeah okay' message but when i looked at it, it said 'one message' and i clicked the thing and there was only one message, new, from joachim that said 'i am sorry you are not feeling well. let us know how you are later' something along those lines.

i clicked back in the history and was a bit perplexed as to where the one with the 'yeah okay' was. it wasn't ever there to begin with but that part of the dream i can see myself knowing later that it was a dream but remembering then being IN the dream getting the text message but it having a message my subconscious mind might have thought it would be.

i am not sure but it quite interests me now.

i have always wondered what it would be like to be hypnotized. there are some memories i have that are hazy or maybe i think they happened and they didn't or they did and i don't remember. i hear stories and this is all any of us have to go on but to really find that actual memory somewhere in my brain would be something neat.

that said, i can't be sure i really believe in it.

i would like to explore my mind more...memories as this is all we have anyhow...just memories. what i did this morning is a memory. this is why i like to take so many pictures. it's a little over the top but it's still.....some way for me to keep my memories of a place or a time.

crazy party/parade here this weekend called basel tattoo.

lots of drumming i hear.

so i'll have to get myself some batteries for my micro recorder and get me some samples. i think i will also take in the giacometti exhibit....maybe sunday though because of the parade on saturday. i also want to find cat some wicked cool shoes.

i think that will be it for now.

have to finish watching my movie!

bis bald.