the god dilemma-and no not the book...

i have never read the book.

i was taking a shower after work. i was thinking in the shower. i tend to think a lot in general.

but i was thinking about why people believe in god.
i mean lots of really shit things have happened to me and to people i know and sometimes we wonder why, right? i mean who doesn't wonder. sometimes we do all the right things, think we make the right choices and still wonder...why.

so i was thinking about this in reference to god. so do people who believe in god imagine that his purpose is not to be known and that he does this shit to people for a reason?

i am starting to dislike that phrase also.....everything happens for a reason. no the reason things happen is because we let them happen. we make a choice. we do what we think we ought to do. we deal with the consequences or we don't.

i think i wrote this somewhere about my friend winter who said to me once "whatever makes it easier for you." and this i think is what people think about when they believe in god maybe? that it makes life easier because they can just say god works in 'mysterious' ways and that he holds all this power over things that happen.

so is it easier to just believe in god because then we don't have to blame ourselves when shit happens?

to be honest sometimes i do wonder why. i wonder why me. do god lovers think god is testing them when they are well, tested?

life is what we make it ourselves, here on this rock called earth. we make choices. we feel certain ways. we have shit we go through just like everyone else.

i have been saying the serenity prayer all week. except the god part. i just say 'i grant myself the ability to accept the things i can't change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference'

i mean it's a true thing just to say it for ourselves. it's true that there are things we cannot change. we cannot change people....we can only change ourselves.

we should i hope have lived long enough to have the wisdom to know what we can and cannot change.

we should be able to know what makes things 'easier' for us and how we decide to cope with the life that is set out before us.

there is no god that does this for us.
we do it for ourselves with our minds...with our experiences to guide us, with the help of solid friends (i hope), with truth and integrity...with empathy and compassion.....with heart and strength.

sometimes life is fucking hard. sometimes we have to do things we would rather not do so that in the end we can say we did it the best we could.....gave it our all.

now it is time for beers.