my birthday

i know that a lot of you know how much i love my birthday. true story!

what i don't care about are presents but what i do appreciate is at least a 'happy birthday hope it's a good one' or some shit like that.

i cried all the way to zurich because even though my boss knows it is my bday this weekend she didn't say anything like happy birthday or have a good time.

i told the boys 'say happy birthday to meshella (what they call me)'

nothing. zip. zero.

now normally what the fuck would i care. she probably loathes me at this point and it shows more often than not but i remembered the kids bdays and got them small toys and things not that material things matter.

it just struck me in a very wrong way. p and s never forgot my bday even if i wasn't there, which usually i wasn't because i usually like to have my bday off but they were also very nice and gave me a card and something small a token of their appreciation.

i guess it makes me feel even more like a complete failure. i couldn't stop crying. i went to pick her up with the kids at the bahnhof.....when she didn't acknowledge it i just said 'tschüss' and walked away. i am a jerk like that at times, but i was already starting to cry and didn't want her to see that it hurt my feelings. she wouldn't care for she has no feelings at all.

thankfully i am happily in zurich with a nice dinner to come, hopefully a shower cause it's balls hot out and i am a sweaty mess!

tomorrow we get to have some free gins in the swiss air lounge before taking off to poland. then tomorrow night is the gun shooting. of course i will take photos. i am bringing my computer but will limit my internetting....

thanks to those that sent happy bday wishes already!