almost everyday i do something upsetting...

....to tamara.

it's not as bad as when i started but it's every day that i don't know who she is going to be when she gets home. will she be nice? will she be in that rushed mood? will she be very late and spastic? will she hound me about inane things or speak to me about something very very serious?

today being the big adult that i am decided that since the calendar and the play group teacher had both kids in play group i opted to leave them both in play group. my mistake was in asking tamara about it this morning because i should know that as scattered as she is, she would have not really known. she's the one who WRITES the events in the calendar.

i told her it was IN the calendar (google calendar)

so i told her about the day and she freaked out and said i should have done what she said. this point was taken and i get that. no problem.

what i did have issue with was the 3 times she asked me why i left both boys there (my contract says 42 hours. if i don't leave both boys there once a week i am topping 53 hours a week....) so i kept telling her i was sorry and i just thought it would be ok....

get to the tram...my cell phone rings. i knew it was her. she was calling to ask me again why i did this, why i didn't call her....i can say it a different way ever time apparently and she will still not accept that i concede to the fact i didn't listen to her....we ALL fuck up, no?

then she goes on to freak about chalk on the wall near the neighbors house, blaming me for this when i didn't use the chalk but one day last week on the steps right in front of their door. i mention this a few times and she still tells me that i am not supposed to let them do this and i finally raised my voice to defend. i am defensive. i know this. i am learning to try to let their silly small shit go but when it comes to her telling me not to do something i didn't fucking do then...well, meesh becomes defensive.

we all have a nice little meeting on thursday evening so they can list ALL the things i do wrong.

got home and promptly wept.

ate dinner, had some chocolate...now i have wine and probably sleep soon to try again tomorrow to not get something wrong.